Liberal activism


The best lack all conviction, Yeats said, in one of the more underquoted parts of that immortal poem, while the worst, regrettably, are full of passionate intensity. All it takes for evil to succeed, another man, in a convenient bid to contribute to this paragraph, added, is for good men to do nothing.

Perhaps I shouldn’t go so far as to call those who hold different viewpoints from mine as “the worst” or “evil men”, even though they have implied far worse things about us, but I think it is time for Uganda to develop a tradition of liberal activism. Because blogs and commentary pages and radio shows are overrun by reactionaries and bigots and people who spew with force and passion, but spew in the wrong direction.

Meanwhile, those of us who understand that things are not always black and white, those of us with a sense of nuance, those who see the value of asking questions as greater than the act of proclaiming guesses as certain answers just shrug and tut and go away.

Certainly without starting our own blogs.

So anyone stumbling into our sphere of discussion would think that there is a consensus on these issues—gays should be hanged, Obama is a babykiller, porno causes rape and others.

Did you read that article in the Vision last Saturday, by the way? It was an appaling piece of bullshittery that skated so close to the edge that by the end I could no longer be sure that the writer wasn’t deliberately trying to lie.

Full disclosure first: I find pornography distasteful and vulgar and think it debases everyone involved in making and using it, and even though if you gave me a VCD of Beyonce stripping out of a French Maid’s outfit I will not fling it back at you, at least not until after I have watched it, I still don’t think that is anything to be proud of. Porn is cheap thrills and is bad manners. But let’s not get carried away. Porning doesn’t make you want to rape people.

This article’s headline said that porn causes crime according to research, but blithely neglected to actually state so in the story. The writer, Ganzi Muhanguzi, observed that there is a lot of porn around Uganda these days and that also, over the past few years, there has been a rise in the number of rape convictions.

The implication here, of course is clear.

However, what Ganzi doesn’t know, or doesn’t tell us, or just didn’t bother to find out is, beyond implications, what do actual researchers say? 

How about  nothing? In over sixty years of looking no valid scientific evidence has been found that proves that porn causes an increase in sexual crime, and when Ganzi cites a rise in rape convictions in Uganda, he doesn’t look at places where this research is a virtual industry.

In the US home of Judith Reisman (more on her later if  you are still reading by then) A presidential commission estimated in 1970 that the total retail value of all the hard-core porn in the US was no more than $10 million.

In 2003, put an estimate of the industry’s revenue at between $2.6 billion and $3.9 billion.

Meanwhile, during the time when magazines and videos and websites were burgeoning, did the US record the expected spike in sexual crime?

Uh-uh. The US department of Justice said in January that there has been an eighty-five percent reduction in sexual violence over the past 25 years.

The numbers won’t prove it and neither will common sense. Ganzi mentions Ted Bundy, the serial killer who famously claimed that porno made him do it before he was excecuted for the murders of thirty women.

But Ganzi forgets the hundreds of thousands, the millions of guys out there who have consumed pornography in their life but have not raped or killed anybody for it. Every dude I know who has no religious compunctions about it doesn’t mind a glance or two at a dirty picture, but I don’t know any serial rapists at all. The logic is telling me that porn doesn’t cause rape and if a porn user rapes someone, there was another factor in the equation.

The article gets really ridiculous here, when Ganzi brings in his quoted authority. He refers to Dr Judith Reisman who he introduces as a “renowned psychiatrist.”

Reisman is not a psychiatrist. She is a “doctor” yes, she has a Masters degree and Ph.D in Communications from a Cleveland university, but she has no training in medicine, psychology or psychiatry.

Perhaps that ignorance is what enables her to craft such risible theories as the one that I found when I read up on her. She claims that a cocktail of hormones, which she calls “erototoxins”, are produced when you look at a porny picture and that these cause actual physical damage to the brain. Erototoxins, she says are, testosterone, dopamine, adrenalin, serotonin. Actual real doctors who have seen neurotransmitters and hormones at work disagree when told that sexual arousal damages the brain.

I am about to hit my word limit. 

This post was not in defense of porno. Like I said, it is bad manners and none of us want our children involved in it, but there are worse things to find in magazines and newspapers and on the net. Like falsehood and deceit which, even if it is only by neglecting to do his job thoroughly, is what this story amounts to: a lie.

But in the week since it was published, no one has taken it upon themselves to retort, because that is how we be. The Ganzis of the world write their stuff uncontested.  Rev wrote a bilious tirade based on a very slight grasp on the issue of overpopulation vs large population. I know there is nothing to be gained by offering facts and logic and figures to 27th, but it worries me that he writes long-ass blogs about American conspiracies to exterminate Africans, and SAGE writes about how we should be ruled by priests but no one writes the opposite. Those of us who know why separation of church and state is good for the Church don’t say so. Those of us who know why gay rights are not about the right to be a homosexual, they are about basic human decency, don’t say so. Those of us with insights on family planning and reproductive rights issues just shrug and let the crackpots rage uncontested.

Well, at least we have Tumwi.

Man, I am as tired of writing as you are of reading, so let me leave you with an amusing gif.


amusing gif
amusing gif

Another freestyle post. A placeholder, actually.

Dante did not hit back at me for insinuating that he was the one photographed carrying a lady’s handbag on Antipop’s blog. This had me nervous for a while, because I thought he was biding his time, waiting patiently for the opportune moment to strike back, like a puma in the shadows. Or a malaria parasite. The puma, probably. But I soon realized that he was not going to retaliate. Because he won’t waste his wrath on a shell that wasn’t actually as funny as I thought it was when I posted it.


Oh well.


BHH was awesome. Or the bits left of it when I arrived were. I met Chanel No 5. Technically, I was meeting her again, as we had been introduced before. However, she was in the company of questionable characters then, so it doesn’t count. 


One of the most weird things about modern office life is this: You send a file, by email, to a colleague who sits a foot and a half away from you. Then after sending it, you call across the room. 


Yo, Bob!

Yes, sir?

Yo, I just sent you email.

Okay please.

Yesterday at BHH everyone was drinking Mountain Dew. Today this is my desktop wallpaper.










my desktop
my desktop

He’s going to kill me when he sees this.


signing my own death warrant
signing my own death warrant

But at least it might make him finally update his blog.

Get it? Geddit? Get it

Meanwhile, I have five minutes free. I wonder if I can freestyle a post…

Mountain Dew is selling faster than any soda I have ever seen newly  introduced to our office caferteria. It has come to the point where I have to get a couple to store in my desk drawer the moment I walk in, because I won’t be able to buy any after eleven. It will be sold out.

Why is this? This drink does not taste that much better than Safi (which is, by the way, the S.I. Unit of tasting good in the soft drinks catergory) so how come it has so many people clamouring for it?

Mountain Dew is ADDICTIVE, that’s why! Exclamation mark! Crack! Drugs!

A number of Mountain Dew consumers in various places on the internet that are not authoritative enough to be linked to have suggested that MD is highly addictive. They speak of quaffing five or six cans a day (they live in places with cans) and experiencing withdrawal symptoms when they cannot get their fix. This shit is like crack, y’all.

Or not really. The fact is it isn’t the MD that is addictive, it is the caffeine in it that is. It has a pretty high caffeine content for a soft drink and people here seem to prefer to get their jolt from a cold soda instead of from Jajja Fellie’s Lighting 187 Special (that is what I call her extra-strong brew. She calls it Nga Eya Ndawula. Ndawula, my boss, is this office’s other caffeine-junkie).

Now, I need to get back to researching on Boyz II Men and Joe. Xena, bring that crate.

We interrupt regularly scheduled nankani


My dear friends, I love you all very very much and would ordinarily do absolutely anything at all to make you happy. Not only because of my pathological need for constant validation, but also because of my extreme fondness for most of you. 

However, I will not be blogging this week. 

Well, not blogging properly… I shall be cheating, by posting links and reruns and pictures because I have to dedicate the next seven days to a super-special ninja project that will take up all of my time.

I hope you will still be here next week when I return. In the meantime, here is a picture that never fails to make me happy.

This picture always makes me laugh. I'm sorry. But it does.
This picture always makes me laugh. I
And another. Just for just 


Alana's first lolpix

Random Thurrogits in the classic sense



  • Did you know that Kelly Rowland has had plastic surgery? Of course you did. You have eyes in your head and can see that that is not the nose she was born with, that is the nose she got from the nose-store on Rodeo Drive. Cue earworm: “Then you say no-no-no-no-nosejob….”
  • Why can’t these local musicians produce, you-know, music with developmental themes, instead of just singing about nothing? Why don’t they sing about issues? The person who asked that question asked it as if it doesn’t have an answer.
  • I met Antipop. She is small in stature and not frightening at all. Not in the least.


Sentences that didn’t make it into the paper 1:

“You wish someone would wave a magical wad to make all your troubles go away.”


  • Big Brother is ending this weekend. The way I don’t give a rats shit is astounding me. I am stymied, flummoxed, bewildered. Morris can tell you the rest.
  • Speaking of Morris, do you think Maurice Mugisha, the dapper, articulate NTV news anchor, is thinking of using his middle name and introducing himself as 

Sentences that didn’t make it into the paper 2: (This is from a Q&A our boy submitted this week. The question is directed to someone who by some strange coincidence has appeared in three posts in a row

Q: Why did you abandon the Miss Uganda business?

A: I left the Miss Uganda business because I felt I had done enough to the Ugandan beauty pageant.


The Creative Process

Or, it is not easy coming up with this shit.

Not as easy as some people make it. Some people just look out of the window and a vibrant, wondrous world, bursting as it is with light and colour  instantly inspires them to spin enchanting tales. About onions, for example. Other people get drunk and let their fingers tango over the keyboard and the result is yet another masterpiece. Some people just exist, like Cheri, Minty, et al.    

I will not even try to make light of the magic that creates Iwaya.

But the thing is, these people make it look easy. It’s not easy for every one. 

If I may be allowed a moment of navel gazing, and I surely may, it isn’t that easy coming up with a blog post three times a week. Of all the hornets buzzing in my head, which one, oh, which one, if captured and squeezed, will ooze out an amusing post of innard-juice? 

You see what I mean? That is the kind of image I come up with by reflex. I can’t publish that sort of thing. I have to sort and sift and search and try to pick the choicest globule of hornet abdomen goo to offer.

And even then I do it tentatively. I approach you with nerves wracked, fingers trembling slightly, transmitting the vibration through the tray, filling the air with a rattling sound. There is a ring of sweat dampening my collar and my knees are jelly.

Because I am scared shitless that someone might think it is fake.

Like, maybe Sylvie Owori and Brenda Nanyonjo are having lunch with …umm… Edith Mutesi of Record TV at Café Pap and one of them decides to use the computer hotspot facility to google themselves. (I don’t know about Brenda, but I am sure Sylvia does, and Edith should do it often). Then they land on this blog.

And then they retch onto their tuna melt sammiches and retch again, in a projectile fashion this time, onto the cappuchino lattes mochas of the yuppie clique on the other table, because they have been so revolted by my sentence construction and how jagged and dischordant my pacing is and how my paragraphs are full of anachronisms, not to mention the tonal imbalances, that it makes them sick to the stomach.

What if one of them says: “Shit. This guy is like Sagara.”

But you know, devastating as that may be, there is a place I can go for comfort. Sniff. 

It’s called Rev

Kyokka all these marbles.

News From Around The World

Welcome to the latest edition of Penis News Around The World. Your one-stop penis information source. If it is happening in the world of penii, we shall google it and find it and tell you all about it.

Transsexual men in Sweden— that is women who have undergone operations to have them converted into males — will be able to get free prosthetic penises next year. Transsexual women, or Swedish men who have been transformed into women, are already eligible for free breast implants, according to my sources at the Internet.

Naturally you must ask: if men who chose to become women get free boobs, but women who chose to be men can’t get dicks without fighting for them, what sort of sexism is that?

There is a problem with the prosthetic peckers, though, and that is that they do not, you-know, work. As in they are provided for aesthetic purposes only and cannot rise out of the limp condition in which they are initially supplied.

This is done on purpose.

You see, Swedish law will not allow state funds to be spent on sexual aids for transsexual people, who are eligible for sex-change surgery because they are disabled and therefore entitled to help in overcoming their handicap. But the state will not allow its funds to be spent on stiffies. If Sven wants one one of those, he will have to pay.




Antipop, you should know better. As far as penises are concerned, when a woman says a guys post is inadequate, he is only going to head to the internet to find ways of making it bigger.


Here we go. Special Extended (heh heh) edition of Penis News From Around The World.


a dick
a dick

 They keep telling us about the health benefits of early circumcision. The latest trend in plastic surgery is a special kind of Botox called Vavelta, which describes as a “clear liquid made from millions of microscopic new skin cells” These cells are… wait for it… cultured from Babies’ foreskins! Waaah! 

You will never look at Toni Braxton the same way again, will you? Not without thinking, “There goes a face full of bits of baby-dick.”  (Story here)

 a dick

In the United States of America, a very strange dude has been charged for stealing a dick enhancement cream product from the shelf of a store. Because he didn’t want to waste his time on some crap that doesn’t even work, he dashed, not out of the store and off to his home, but just a few metres over there to the toilets of the shop. And there he proceeded to test the cream.

 It worked, apparently, so so so well, that he could not contain his excitement. He had to show somebody these awesome results. He burst out of the toilet cubicle, creamy wang and all, and made his way to the Barbie Doll section of the store. Where he flashed the Barbies. Twice.

 The story from concludes :  The police were called and promptly arrested the man as he returned to the toilet to apply more cream.

 You see, Rev, not all Americans spend all day manufacturing sinister schemes to exterminate African races.

 a dick

Speaking of the things Americans get up to (heh heh) when not plotting the annihilation of the Blak Afrikan Man, this fellow in Port St Lucie Florida swears that the penis pump which arrived at his home by mail, in a package that was apparently addressed to him, that was paid for with his own debit card, WAS NOT HIS.

He even called the police to report that someone has been using his debit card to purchase lewd pumping devices and he really cannot understand why. says “The 38-year-old man told police he received a package containing a penis pump he didn’t pay for, according to an incident report. All the orders were apparently placed on the Internet using the man’s debit card. Police said the man notified his bank and closed the account.”

 My friend here knows the feeling. To this day he still doesn’t know who stole his wallet and bought those DVDs of Wild Jamaican Mudwrestling Chicks I, II & III from Wallace at Semicon Videx on Luwum with his money without his consent and then brought them to his house and played them in his DVD player and watched them with his eyes.

 At this point I urge you to show the same amount of restraint I have shown by not taking that image any further.