Two children, ages one and one and a half, sit on our hero’s veranda with a brightly primary-coloured toy microphone that they will take turns speaking into in front of them. One wears large blue toy headphones. That’s Lizzie. The other wears pink ones with fluffy edges. That’s Evans.
They realize the problem and switch headphones, then they go back to their game. They are, of course, playing “Morning Radio Show”.
- It’s Lizzie
- …And Evans…
- … on the Early Rendition, Zigging Voice 23.5 FM on your radio. Treat other
frequencies on your dial like Michael Jackson jokes, and DON’T GO THERE.
(Presses button that unleashes prerecorded laughter)
just so we don’t confuse the listeners, perhaps you could explain who this
Michael Jackson person is.
to my research, Lizzie, he was a musician from that prehistoric age the
grownups call “The Eighties.” A singer of great influence, apparently and his
recent death impacted many people very deeply. Baz, for example, has been
locked inside bawling his big googly eyes out since Thursday. All you hear
coming from his house are sounds of tears and wailing. And the occasional…
- Dude, what happened to your lisp?
- I lost it. And the occasional crash as he breaks furniture trying to replicate
the singer’s dance moves.
- It’s very weird. I was so used to that lisp. I swear, I don’t even know how to
call you Rasss Evansss. I am so used to Rath Evanth.
- Lizzie, do I make a big deal out of your misaligned earlobes?
- My earlobes are not misaligned!
- Yes they are. Freakishly. The left one looks like it wants to defect from your head and join your shoulder and, that thing on the right? I assume it’s an ear, but it could quite possibly be a wing. But I don’t go on and on about those freaky ears of yours, do I? No, I don’t. I focus on what’s important. Now let’s get on with the show. Listeners, this is Early Condition, with Ras Evans and Lizzie, broadcasting live from Baz’ verandah. The Early Condition, with the latest news and information on who Michael Jackson was.
- Yes. Continue filling us in Evanssss.
- Michael Jackson was also the reason my mother told me to wait until I was 18 before applying for a visa to States.
- Why? Was he dangerous? What type of man was he? Was he bad?
- That’s what I heard.
- You heard that he didn’t like little boys?
- That was the verdict of the court.
Presses button again.