Verbatim Vs Verbatim special Afrika Day Edition

 

Amandla, my brother!
How many times do I have to tell you, Lizzie, I am not your brother. I know we are not sure who your father is, but my dad was in Nairobi the year…
I meant brother in the sense that we are all Children of Mother Africa Baz. It is Africa Day today, a day when we renew our commitment to the Pan-African cause.  
We have a commitment to the Pan Africanist cause? We?
Are you one of those brainwashed neocolonialist pawns who does not care about the future of the motherland?
I think so.
Well, it’s a good thing I showed up then, isn’t it? Let me open your eyes which have been blinded by the oppressor. Let me unlock the shackles that have imprisoned your mind.
Um, Lizzie…
By the way, on this day I refuse to answer to that colonialist imperialist English name. Please use my African name.
What is your African name?
I have chosen Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti.
Um, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nevertiti …
Yes?
Get the hell off my lap. 
Oops. Sorry, Baz. I forgot that you have this “thing” about personal space. But you don’t have to get cross about me sitting on your lap. I am an infant. That’s what we do. We sit on people’s laps and knees.
Not on mine, you don’t, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti. Where the hell did that come from anyway?
Thandiwe was the mother of the Great Chaka Zulu, mighty Warrior Emperor of Afrika. Nefertiti was the Queen of the Ancient Afrikan Civlisisation of Misri.
I thought she was like the Queen of Egypt or something.
You’re playing with me, aren’t you? You seem to think this is a joke.
You’re the one who has decided to call herself Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti. I swear Mama Chaka sounds like a chocolate bar. I would eat a Mama Chaka. 
Why are you unwilling to embrace the glory of your heritage? Why don’t you desire to search the footsteps of your ancestors, the noble warriors of Afrika, the cradle of civilization and learning? Did you know that Afrika invented mathematics?
Really? When?
In 700BC, when the white man was still in caves!
How many years ago was that?
It was … you know what? Fuck you, Baz.
Hah hah! You haven’t learnt how to add and subtract in school yet, have you, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti? Hah hah. If Africans invented maths while Europeans were still in caves, you are still on the UK system! Hah hah! Whooo!
You think Africa is a laughing matter, Baz?
No, Lizzie… I mean, TMCN, I think you’re a laughing matter. Look, no matter what you call yourself, no matter where you go, you will always be who you are: an African. You don’t have to take on a fancy name, or wear a towering headdress. You and I are, and always will be, Africans. 
Really? Is that true, Baz? I guess I have learnt something today. That we should always be ourselves no matter where we come from. Because we are all special.
Yes, I am.
In unison: Happy Africa Day everybody! 
It was in that spirit that I decided I will not answer to my. You cannot call me Lizzie.
That’s ridiculous.
What’s ridiculous about it? Baz, are  you are brainwashed neocolonialist pawn?
It’s ridiculous because last week you told me your father was doing kyeyo. The week before that you told me he was in Studying. 
People do Kyeyo, Baz. Even Armymen do kyeyo. And people DO study sometimes.
The week before that you said he was , Lizzie I know we are not sure who your father is, but I’m not your brother. We are not kin.
Sigh. I don’t need your sympathy. Anyway, you can’t call me Lizzie today.
Our hero was sitting on his verandah yesterday when up toddled the four-year-old from next door. She was dressed in a heavily starched kitenge with a long high headwrap.
  • Amandla, my brother!
  • How many times do I have to tell you, Lizzie, I am not your brother. I know we are not sure who your father is, but my dad was in Nairobi the year…
  • I meant brother in the sense that we are all Children of Mother Africa, Baz. It is Africa Day today, a day when we renew our commitment to the Pan-African cause.  
  • We have a commitment to the Pan Africanist cause? We?
  • Are you one of those brainwashed neocolonialist pawns who does not care about the future of the motherland?
  • I think so.
  • Well, it’s a good thing I showed up then, isn’t it? Let me open your eyes which have been blinded by the oppressor. Let me unlock the shackles that have imprisoned your mind.
  • Um, Lizzie…
  • By the way, on this day I refuse to answer to that colonialist imperialist English name. Please use my African name.
  • What is your African name?
  • I have chosen Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti.
  • Um, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nevertiti …
  • Yes?
  • Get the hell off my lap. 
  • Oops. Sorry, Baz. I forgot that you have this “thing” about personal space. But you don’t have to get cross about me sitting on your lap. I am an infant. That’s what we do. We sit on people’s laps and knees.
  • Not on mine, you don’t, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti. Where the hell did that come from anyway?
  • Thandiwe was the mother of the Great Chaka Zulu, mighty Warrior Emperor of Afrika. Nefertiti was the Queen of the Ancient Afrikan Civlisisation of Misri.
  • I thought she was like the Queen of Egypt or something.
  • You’re playing with me, aren’t you? You seem to think this is a joke.
  • You’re the one who has decided to call herself Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti. I swear Mama Chaka sounds like a chocolate bar. I would eat a Mama Chaka. 
  • Why are you unwilling to embrace the glory of your heritage? Why don’t you desire to search the footsteps of your ancestors, the noble warriors of Afrika, the cradle of civilization and learning? Did you know that Afrika invented mathematics?
  • Really? When?
  • In 700BC, when the white man was still in caves!
  • How many years ago was that?
  • It was … you know what? Fuck you, Baz.
  • Hah hah! You haven’t learnt how to add and subtract in school yet, have you, Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti? Hah hah. If Africans invented maths while Europeans were still in caves, you are still on the UK system! Hah hah! Whooo!
  • You think Africa is a laughing matter, Baz?
  • No, Lizzie… I mean, TMCN, I think you’re a laughing matter. Look, no matter what you call yourself, no matter where you go, you will always be who you are: an African. You don’t have to take on a fancy name, or wear a towering headdress. You and I are, and always will be, Africans. 
  • Really? Is that true, Baz? I guess I have learnt something today. That we should always be ourselves no matter where we come from. Because we are all special.
  • Yes, I am.
  • In unison: Happy Africa Day everybody! 

 

african doll1

14 thoughts on “Verbatim Vs Verbatim special Afrika Day Edition

  1. hahahahaha ‘Nevertiti’

    You know what though, those names are an excellent choice, I’d ditch mine for then.

  2. You don’t need to wear towering head gear to prove you are African? Really?

    Gwe, stop misleading Lizzie.

    Regards,

    Isis Nyamiji Mama Tumwijuke

  3. Baz, you the hero of this story? really?
    and the personal space thing… i like!!!
    pinky Kintu Sanyu Lya Muzade

  4. Lol… whose dolly are you plagiarising? That ended like a bad school play… mbu, in unison!

    And thanks for temporarily kicking the bimbos off your blog. Happy Belated Africa Day.

  5. Thandiwe Mama Chaka Nefertiti! – LOL
    But the towering headdresses are so cool!!

    and i have tried the be-yourself-your-still-african thing, but it didnt work.

    seriously, there are (to alot of people) certain requirements you must have to be considered “African” or “Black”, like laughing loudly, being able to speak cheng, or saying stuff like: eheheh banange!

    (along with the towering headdresses and kitenges)

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