Pictures for people

On the forefront of the matter right now is this, my latest lolmugabe

It is a special dedication to Three333ttt, who appreciates the fine art of lolcats. In addition to that, it is going to be my first ever submission to the real internet. I am submitting it to lolpresidents.com in the hope that it will win me some international notoriety and then I. Will Rule. Ze World. Muahaha etc.

 

This other picture is for Minty , because she saw this guy’s colleage. My pictures aren’t that clear, but, yes, those ARE boots.

And now, before I return to my writer’s block, from the Sedition Edition.

 

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Exclusive! Season Five. Faster than you thought possible

The following takes place between the hours of 07:00 and 8:00am

Morning in Los Angeles. Morning bustle. Everybody is wearing sunglasses. The camera pans onto two men. The younger one wears a black suit and looks like Alfonso Arau. The other one is wearing a white T-shirt, a Lakers cap and jeans. He would look typical except that he has a long beard. They talk in low conspiratorial whispers. Then they get up and kiss each other on the cheek.
Around 7:55 there is an explosion. People scream. A black extra yells out something like “other duck hits”.
Tick Tick tock…

 

The following takes place between 8:00 and 9:00

At CTU, Chloe is eating a sandwich. Edgar is ordering fajitas online. Erin Driscoll is brooding about who she can fuck up. Suddenly a phone call comes in. The unnamed CTU staffer who picks it up shouts: “There’s been an explosion!”
When Jack Bauer hears this he says, “Oh, I know what that means.” And he races for the toilet.

The following takes place between 10:00 and like 5 or something

Jack Bauer kills 43 people and commits multiple felonies by directly disobeying orders 563 times before he finally discovers that he has been following a wrong lead: the two men kissing before the explosion, they were not terrorists at all. They were members of the Gay Anglican Church of Syria. They came to LA to get married. And catch a taping of Will And Grace.

The two Syrian gays announce their intention to sue for discrimination. President Palmer (Not Dennis Haysbert. Sherry, the evil wife. She got elected. Surprise!) is in a public relations bind. So President Sherry and Driscoll, who are sick to death of Jack and his insubordination, invoke Executive Privilege 404 of the Patriot Act which allows the Secret Service in conjunction with CTU to assassinate people.

The MIBs show up looking for Jack. They are shooting at him, but we know they won’t get him. It is only 5:55pm

 

The following takes place between the hours of 6:00 and like midnight

Jack manages to escape the secret service by dodging the bullets and then shooting back and killing them all. This is because, of all those who went through US government marksmanship training, Jack is the only one who actually learnt to shoot straight. Okay, him and Sidney Bristow.

He runs off. Yeah, Jack is a fugitive again. This time he goes where no one in their right mind would dare follow him: “Da Hood”. He goes to South Central. The exact same neighbourhood where Boyz N Tha Hood was filmed.

A bunch of gangstas show up planning to “jack” him. “Jacking” is a hip hop term meaning to rob. It is not just a bad pun. Will they actually succeed in their nefarious plan? It is 12:59.

The following takes place between one and five seconds past one:

Those gangstas think they are who? Jack Bauer pees on their prone corpses and laughs, “This is for ma homies!”

The following takes place between the rest of the episode.

The plot of Bullworth, but with more gunplay. Meanwhile, at CTU, Edgar and Chloe are playing footsie beneath the conference room table.

At around 5:30 someone remembers that they still don’t know who blew up the Café.

So they go into the hood to get Jack. Finally, he agrees to return to CTU. But he has been smoking marijuana with the Crips and has an STD so he can no longer function as the superagent. Marwan, the villain from season four, calls in and claims responsibility for the explosion. He taunts Jack, saying, “You should’ve killed me last year!”

The following takes place between 6:00 and I can’t believe you are still reading this.

Tom Cruise eats the placenta of his newborn baby. Sandra Bullock arrives at the Corner Café with her husband, the funnily-named Jesse James, because they want a Lattefrappochino. All they find is a bombed-out crater. Marwan is standing there, wondering when Jack is going to arrive for their showdown. It’s the season finale, for crying out loud. He doesn’t know that Jack has returned to the ghetto to smoke some more chronic.
Sandy points and says, “Hey, I know you! You’re that guy!”
Marwan, fearing that he has been recognised, pulls out a gun.
Sandy says, “The Mummy, right?”
Marwan shoots himself.

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19 thoughts on “Pictures for people

  1. hahahahaha. i am dying here. you forget to mention the one where at 2:00pm, the terrorist finally nabs Jack Bauer, cuffs him, puts him at gunpoint, and then just before he pulls the trigger, decides to have a conversation about nothing and then his butt itches and he absolutely has to scratch. 2:00:15, he scratches his butt. 2:00:16, angel Gabriel loosens the cuffs on jack’s wrists. 2:00:16:58, jack inserts grenade in terrorists itchy butt. 2:00:17, that is the last itch the terrorist will ever feel.

  2. Haha,been reading yo old ones all day long n then boom,i came across this new one n i’m the second one to post acomment,very cool. Christ, that bod guy with the boots just killed me. Still laughing hard.

  3. You need to send this to Fox. You might find yourself participating in the next writers stand-off.
    Meanwhile Jennifer looks hot with that Fifth Element hair-do

  4. Baz…lol wat has killed me is this line…
    “…then I. Will Rule. Ze World. Muahaha etc.” Kati why add ect…wat comes after ruling the world?

    WTH, Tom Cruise…damn.

    Baz, bring on Victor Drazen…my favorite bad guy from any TV show. Ok after Stewie Griffin from family guy.

    U and Atipop are smoking and drinking. Lethal combination.

  5. anti climax…….
    hmmm
    we are definitely in the jungle with anti pop n Baz smokin…..
    wait till one of them does the monkey dance……

  6. thanks for the link love. lols make my day, the world is to fucking sad to face with a frown, get a head start at it with a smile.

    now jack bauer…..i don’t fucking believe i read all that rubbish you spewed forth. oh someone give me back my three minutes.

  7. Ahaaa…that is the sigh after prolonged laughter. I agree – sell this shit to Fox. Bauer might come back to the screens. I miss him.

    What about the wimpy president? And the part where Fat Boy got shot by Jack in the middle of a radio interview?

  8. fatboy: I am sory but I have failed to find the cd.
    Jack Buerer: what?!
    FB: It is lost
    JB: Where is it? Where is it?
    (JB shoots FB in the leg)
    FB screams like a little kid.
    Tick tock tick tok

  9. okay not only bauer and bristol learnt how to shoot straight ou forgot someone else called agent mahony.you know the one in prison break. but you should seriously stop smoking whatever it is that you are smoking. All the same, KUDOS bro, kudos

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