Shoes, ships, sealing wax, etc

If you saw a copy of the New Vision today, Friday, you may have been impressed to see that the newspaper went all out in expressing support for the cause of Breast Cancer Awareness. 

You may not have been as impressed by the means by which we expressed that support. Said means being yet another example of an idea that sounds good in the boardroom but gets lost along the way and ends up making the word “vomitacious” suddenly spring to hundreds of minds. 

We meant to come out printed on pink coloured paper. But instead we looked like beans and eggs and bad milk on the way back out.  

A friend described it as “pukish.”

But it is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I am glad that the company, and others around us have taken it upon themselves to try and do, say, or wear something that shows some concern about the matter. But that, you know, is only as commendable as it is useful.

And it has to be useful. Now the month is still ongoing, so you have until the last day to learn and know, for example, what the incidence of Breast Cancer in Uganda is, what facilities we have in the country to treat it, what the survival rate is, and what you can do about it. That sort of thing.

In other news, Morris is a Moron. Sheila said so, and she should know. She lived with the idiot for a month.

Here is a quote from the Monitor.

I found him boring. Morris is no Gaetano. He lacks charisma.

She stopped short of saying (or the Monitor reporter just didn’t transcribe that part) that he was the kind of challenged that can’t shit and think at the same time and that is why he spent so long in the can. 

Going face: today was International Eradication Poverty day. There is a day for everything, it seems. Earlier this week, I recall hearing that it was international hand washing day. Hand washing day. There is a guy at work who smells like he hasn’t even have a body washing day all week but let us not digress further.

And here, In honour of IEPDay, some thoughts on poverty eradication: 

The most effective weapon against poverty has always been wealth. So to eradicate poverty, make money, or enable the making of money. Buy Ugandan wherever possible, guys. Support local industries and companies and services as much as you can. 

But don’t buy the shit stuff—let the guys who make shit products go out of business. I mean the good stuff that is made in Uganda.

It’s the weekend and I need to skate. Before I go there are two things: One is an apology for a grevious wrong wrought, that isn’t even my fault.

There was a day a couple of weeks ago when I wrote a thesis about development, and urged that we should emulate Icleand if we wish to develop. Well, Iceland is broke. 

As in last week they were looking at the possibility of declaring bankruptcy AS A NATION.

Now I’m off. I have proggie this weekend. 

Kwambox Returns

Kwambox left the Big Brother house on Sunday, taking with her every last iota of interest I had left in the whole show. 

Which should not be taken as an honest criticism of the programme. The fact that I hardly ever even watched it at all renders me soundly unqualified to comment on it. That is, unqualified to comment in anything but a shamelessly deceitful way. Which I shall now proceed to do.

Sheila Kwamboka became the most recent Big Brother evictee this Sunday, but the feisty Kenyan refused to leave quietly and achieved what University of Johannesburg statisticians believe could quite possibly be the fastest single-backhanded castration in history when Thami stupidly began to giggle after her name was announced.

Asked whether he will disrupt the show now that Thami’s balls are gone, Big Brother producers replied that they saw no reason to interrupt the proceedings. Thami wasn’t using his testicles that much anyway and if the time ever came when he had urgent need for a pair, Mimi would be more than happy to lend him hers.

Kwambox is out of the house now, but inside there is thick sense of fear. As she was dragged out of the door, kick and screaming in the hands of the burly BBA security men, she promised fiery and certain and painful retributions and the housemates do not know when or how they will arrive, but are certain that they are coming soon.

Tawana is particularly frightened. A special set of branded Big Brother Adult Diapers had to be issued to contain leakage since it became obvious that she was going to piss herself every time she heard a sudden noise and nothing could be done to stop it.

Morris has described his feelings as “mystical” and said he felt “enigmatic” before adding, “It has decalcified my magnanimity and bedecked my consternation likewise.”

University of Johanesburg statisticians were asked to translate, but they are still too busy trying to decode his speeches from three weeks ago.

Finally, TK vanished the night before last. There were scratch marks on the wall of the BBA house and rumours of a sighting at the Kenya Airways terminal at the airport, which have prompted a slew of brochures from Anti-Stalking bodyguard firms to fly to Sheila’s hotel.