- Hello. I’m Drake. A rap star.
- I thought you were a newsreader.
- Why does EVERY SINGLE UGANDAN I ever meet try that joke?
- I think Ugandans will keep trying to crack the joke until someone caves in from the pressure and emits a weak half-laugh.
- Um. Heh heh.
- There you go. Now, Drake, you are a rap star? If this is the case, how come I have never heard of you?
- It’s cos you listen to people like Skyzoo and Sha Stimuli and Jean Grae and others who I left underground when I ascended to the mainstream via a label deal hook up from Lil Wayne.
- That’s IT!
- What’s it?
- The reason I have never heard of you. You occur in the vicinity of Lil Wayne, aka The Abomination of Ages. My brain just, by reflex, refuses to admit any information from that benighted region of the general music datasphere. I can’t even tell if Nikki Minaj is hot or not. My brain just refuses to process anything to do with anything to do with Lil Wayne.
- Weezy is…
- Aka The Abomination of Ages.
- Aka The Vile One.
- We are not here to talk about my boss or his insistence on tongue-kissing the employees. We are here to introduce a new blog.
- I have misgivings about this. I don’t think the author would appreciate an endorsement from you, of all people.
- You picked me at random, dude. No one’s to blame. Can I do this?
- Yeah, I guess, we have no choice. Go ahead.
- Tispyalcophobic.wordpress.com is a strange and amusing and utterly fascinating woman who will one day be a supervillain if we are not careful. She will crush us all under a yoke of tyranny. I know this. I have seen it in her eyes. Here is an excerpt.
- From a post about things learnt at Christian Beach Camp:
There are a lot of maggots in the zoo beach sand. They’ll make for your toe nails.
If you swim in a bikini at a Christian camp, nobody will stop you, but everybody’s eyes will be screaming *JEZEBEL!
All boys are to be looked at as penisless, fangless brothers and having crushes marks you with the potential to become a whore on the inside.
- Now give us the link, Drizzy.
- Now begone.
It’s been a very long time since we did this. It used to be a grand tradition of this, the world’s longest-running Ugandan blog which keeps changing names. (If you look up you will notice that it is now called something slightly different from what it was called two seconds prior. If this is not the case, refer to the tagline. I lie a lot. )
Nevertheless, this gay banter must not impede our progress towards our nsonga. The crux of the matter that brought us to this auspicious post, wherein we revive the tradition of the Celebrity Endorsement!