This is how you know Scarlett Johannsen is fine. Her name is Scarlett Johannsen, but smitten fanboys still manage to google her.
The Internet is not a place that is full to the brim of highly literate people. Most of the internet, in fact, has a huge problem spelling even short words like “the” correctly. It always says “teh”.
And googling Scarlett Johansson requires incredible amounts of spelling. First of all you have to remember that there are two t’s in Scarlett, then you have to remember that it is Scarlett Johansson, and not Johanssen, and then that it has two s’ and one n. For a person who has trouble saying, “I can see you” and commonly just lapses in despair to “I cn c u”, this is gargantuan.
But when you finally manage to succeed in googling Scarlett Johansson you will discover one thing. It’s worth the effort.
The first Iron Man movie was a simple straightforward success in that it did exactly what it was supposed to do and did it efficiently: It entertained. We had a rougish, quippy leading man deliver his lines in amusing ways, we had a gravel-voiced villain with a sinister beard to make him even more dastardly, and, of course, the star of our show, a metal suit that makes dudes fly and shoot missiles from their palms.
A satisfying movie. A Javas Pepper Steak with Mashed Potatoes meal of a movie. A fine film.
So if you are going to make a sequel to that, what do you do? What do you add? How on do you make it better?
By adding Scarlett Johannson.
Now, Iron Man 2 isn’t one of those movies that can be praised at length. Not like Blood Diamond. You don’t need more than two adjectives to review Iron Man 2. “Fucking” and “Awesome” would do just fine. Add Scarlett Johannson and it’s a wrap.
But if you insist, I could go on.
Billionaire borderline drunk Tony Starks is a former weapons industrialist who made a full-body suit of armour that is cool and weaponised and computerized. And yes, it does have built in toilet facilities. Their use is demonstrated in Iron Man 2.
After he becomes a superstar celeb the US government says they want the technology. Tony is an asshole about this: he says no. Then Scarlett Johannson comes into the movie and is hot. Then Mickey Rourke has a Russian accent while he makes his own Iron Man suit. Russian accents are badass. Next time I go to a restaurant, I am ordering in a Russian accent. Then Don Cheadle also gets a suit. Then there are two fight scenes: One featuring Scarlett Johannson whupping all the ass that even thinks of crossing her line of sight, and another featuring Cheadle and Stark doing the same.
In between and around these two scenes, various awesome coolnesses occur and transpire for your entertainment. And Scarlett Johannsson as well.
That is my review of Iron Man 2. Later.