The meeting, if you can call it that, between myself and the board member, witnessed by his hulking bodyguards, turned out to be relatively fruitful. I say relatively fruitful because it depends on who you ask. He thinks it yielded pawpaws. From my point of view it yielded two measly jambulas.
After he attempted cajoling, wheedling, trickery and hypnotism, he finally resorted to the law. He whipped out my employment contract on which I had signed the promise that I will not leave without supplying him three months’ notice.
Thankfully, I am a cunning little rascal, so I was able to bargain that down, and so I technically have to stay here for just one more week. After that I shall go on “leave”, and then effect my resignation. Brilliant, I am sure you agree.
So I have just one more week in the press. You know what that means.
No, it means I am going to go wild burning every single bridge I can find. I have a week to insult, berate, abuse, deride, ridicule, and molest everyone in this office who ever looked at me with the wrong side of an eye I didn’t like. Starting today from advertising section.
There are two people in advertising section. I strode into their office with my can of mace then…
…then realized, I don’t have any beef with them. One of them is actually quite cool. So I walked out again to try the freelancer’s bullpen.
Walked in there in full Ninja regalia, with my nunchucks poised to strike. I leapt in, yelled, “Haiyaaa!” which is Japanese for “If you have an ass, it’s gonna get kicked presently!” but the same thing happened: I suddenly realized that there was no one there I didn’t like. These people are my buddies, basically, except for two, about whom I am completely ambivalent.
It was futile. I stormed all the departments from features to newsdesk, to business, to graphics, to photodesk, and the only place I could do any damage was website, because sometimes they don’t put my column online, but they had a chick there who smiled while wearing jeans, so I was unable to do anything. In the end I just ended up skulking back to my desk having done no damage to anyone or anything.
So my enemies in Sunday Vision had to bear the full brunt. The corridors ran red with the blood of the fallen. Haiyaaaa!