Gunsinze, gunsinze

By now I am sure you have all heard the news: Sunday Vision is the Buganga Government’s big fat bitch.
After a lot of trash-talking, bluff-calling, saber-rattling, under-the-breath cursing and, (because this is the Mengo Establishment we are talking about I believe it is safe to assume),  a lot of witchcraft, the State-owned newspaper capitulated and ran a front-page apology.
It went: “Okay, Dammit, Okay! You win! We’re sorry. Okay? Happy Now? Sheesh!”
Some Bkg for those in Kenya and other places where they are not as well informed as us normal people: A couple of weeks ago the Sunday Vision (a state-owned paper) ran a story claiming that the Kabaka (or “king”) of Buganda (a tribe in the centre of Uganda (a country.) ) had obtained a loan using the title deed of Bulange, his main palace, (where his government’s offices are found) as security.
The king, so went the story, hasn’t paid off the loan yet, and the title deed to the seat of the kingdom still rests in the hands of this minister.
The Buganda Kingdom Government (also known simply as Mengo, a Swahili term that refers to the gaps found in the teeth of the ministers) demanded a retraction. The Sunday Vision people said they will offer one only over their dead bodies.
“Fucking retract that shit now!” demanded Mengo, in a strongly worded memo drafted by their lawyers.
“We shall retruct nothing! Kiss our ass!” responded the Sunday Vision who, first of all insisted that the story was true and, secondly, are very prone to misspellings and violations of grammar rules.
But after more huffing and more puffing and after threats were leveled against Sunday Vision staff and newsvendors, and a boycott of all New Vision products was called, Sunday Vision said, “Well, if you put it THAT way…” and apologized.
Now, we don’t know whether this was because the bottom line was at risk, or if it was because, honestly and truly, the title deed was never used for a loan, but what I do know is that we journalists don’t care that much about facts these days.
I say that to say this.
I recently got a call from Name Withheld. Name Withheld is a guy who writes rap songs with lyrics that don’t rhyme. I have pointed out this shortcoming a few times in my articles, to his chagrin.
But he has a chest from here to across the road; he spends a lot of time lifting weights in gyms, so when he called me and told me to stop writing about him, my first thought was that I cannot let anyone intimidate me into compromising my journalistic integrity. I cannot bow to threats. Well, he didn’t actually threaten me. He just asked me to stop making jokes about his music, that’s all. But as a journalist I cannot let the subject of my story determine what I write! I was about to draft yet another cheap shot at him then this happened.
Now that we have established that I bat for the team that is quick to back down, I have had to can it. Now, let me get a call from Lady Bizzle…
.
I

By now I am sure you have all heard the news: Sunday Vision is the Buganga Government’s big fat bitch.

After a lot of trash-talking, bluff-calling, saber-rattling, under-the-breath cursing and, (because this is the Mengo Establishment we are talking about I believe it is safe to assume),  a lot of witchcraft, the State-owned newspaper capitulated and ran a front-page apology.

It went:

“Okay, Dammit, Okay! You win! We’re sorry. Okay? Happy Now? Sheesh!”

Some Bkg for those in Kenya and other places where they are not as well informed as us normal people: A couple of weeks ago the Sunday Vision (a state-owned paper) ran a story claiming that the Kabaka (or “king”) of Buganda (a tribe in the centre of Uganda (a country.) ) had obtained a loan using the title deed of Bulange, his main palace, (where his government’s offices are found) as security.

The king, so went the story, hasn’t paid off the loan yet, and the title deed to the seat of the kingdom still rests in the hands of this minister.

The Buganda Kingdom Government (also known simply as Mengo, a Swahili term that refers to the gaps found in the teeth of the ministers) demanded a retraction. The Sunday Vision people said they will offer one only over their dead bodies.

“Fucking retract that shit now!” demanded Mengo, in a strongly worded memo drafted by their lawyers.

“We shall retruct nothing! Kiss our ass!” responded the Sunday Vision who, first of all insisted that the story was true and, secondly, are very prone to misspellings and violations of grammar rules.

But after more huffing and more puffing and after threats were leveled against Sunday Vision staff and newsvendors, and a boycott of all New Vision products was called, Sunday Vision said, “Well, if you put it THAT way…” and apologized.

Now, we don’t know whether this was because the bottom line was at risk, or if it was because, honestly and truly, the title deed was never used for a loan, but what I do know is that we journalists don’t care that much about facts these days.

I say that to say this.

I recently got a call from Name Withheld. Name Withheld is a guy who writes rap songs with lyrics that don’t rhyme. I have pointed out this shortcoming a few times in my articles, to his chagrin.

But he has a chest from here to across the road; he spends a lot of time lifting weights in gyms, so when he called me and told me to stop writing about him, my first thought was that I cannot let anyone intimidate me into compromising my journalistic integrity. I cannot bow to threats. Well, he didn’t actually threaten me. He just asked me to stop making jokes about his music, that’s all. But as a journalist I cannot let the subject of my story determine what I write! I was about to draft yet another cheap shot at him then this happened.

Now that we have established that I bat for the team that is quick to back down, I have had to can it. Now, let me get a call from Lady Bizzle…

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20 Comments

  1. 1. (*prostrating: gunsingidde ddala!*)

    2. No. Alina Potential, tomuzalawa is hotter than Mr. DJ!

    3. heard a joke somewhere mbu when even the people in the North were asked why they weren’t reading NV they said, “nanti Kabaga e ganye ffe!”

  2. Lol at ‘Nanti Kabaga e ganye ffe’

    Naye, gunsize is what grabbed my attention to this post. Hmmm! Kyoka New Vision. I was embarrassed

  3. even gunsize will do,depending on what the gun is…What happened to the jabs at Celine dione? Yes, i still remember those; they were refreshing. Was it Capital which called?

  4. why does this always happen?
    Ever notice that one always makes spelling mistakes when one is trying to correct another’s spelling mistakes? one is embarrassed.

  5. anyway, so now when you ask Newvision’s lawyers, they will say that the ka ‘retruct’ was skillfully and intentionally placed to enable wiggle room.

    Meanwhile, last night Kabushenga was on CBS radio grovelling and making a complete ass of himself and begging Baganda to read his newspaper, this forgive him that and awangale Ssebasajja. Good thing he had not taken his balls along on this visit.

    Why do Kanungu readers never get this sort of special attention? i am goin on home to organise for a boycott!

  6. Antipop you be from Kanungu? Who is the Kabaka there? A boycott from that far away would wear itself out long before it got to Kampala.

  7. Victoria aka Baz in drag, leave Kanungu out of your hateration! olaba we even have 1km of tarmac and an internet cafe. We shall do a facebook type demo!

  8. I was in a taxi yesterday when I heard him on CBS. Eh, the dude knows so much Luganda that some ‘muganda owenyindo entono’ said something like, “Amanyi oluganda nokusinga abaganda abenyindo enene.”

  9. the comments on this post have just killed me. esp the one abt kanungu doing a facebook type demo

  10. Banange Auntie Pope, read my lips: I am NOT Baz in drag! Sheesh! I am a beautifulish youngish woman, whereas Baz is … well, Baz is Baz

  11. But seriously Baz, is this to say that you guys run a story so controversial without an iota of proof? I spoke to Kabushenga on Tuesday, thats what he said, I was in shock! They should have sued NewVision’s ass off! Our Kabaka! Your time!

    In other comments, what is it with TB, of the Sunday Magazine and talking about toilet this and toilet that? Dude needs to go on leave!

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