One quiet day in the media

You see, this office is full of thieves. Curmudgeons. Crooks, criminals and journalists. People with no sense of right and wrong. It is as their morality organ was circumcised the hell off of them at birth. These are people who cannot leave your mug alone.
The corporation provides cheap coffee mugs to be used free of charge by those who require coffee. Coffee, for those of you still in school or unemployed is the fuel on which corporate people run.
Sometimes the clean cups run out. Because the yuppies really really needed their coffee. Like most of them were having sex the night before, so they didn’t get enough sleep, so now they are having trouble staying awake, so the meeting is even stuffier and worse-smelling than usual because when they start to dose off they lose control of their spincter. Is that how it’s spelt? Sphincter? Anyway.
Anyway. Because we know that occasions like this will arise, some of us take preemptive action. We bring our own mugs from home. The deal is that you other losers can use the fee office mugs, but I will use my cool one. When the free office ones are full of crud, mine will still be right there, gleaming and clean and unblemished.
It doesn’t work that way, as everyone from MTN to Monitor will tell you. Everyone except those from President’s Office. In PO they don’t use mugs of course, they use beer mugs and when those are dirty, they can just swill straight from the gourd.
Geddit. Tonto. I’m trying to diss the president’s office. Catch up with me.
Anyway. It doesn’t work that way. Because when the free loser mugs are all dirty, the yuppie will not sigh and walk back to his sad little cubicle. He (or she, for even she does it. Don’t be fooled by the dimples) will reach into the cupboard and FLAGRANTLY USE YOUR EXCLUSIVE MUG.
So when you get there you find your mug has also been used. Which really sucks and is a scumbag thing to do.
Unless, like I did, you thought JR wasn’t coming in to work today. I swear I only took the mug because I thought you were not coming in to work  today. I have said I’m sorry. What more do you want from me. Stop hitting me, woman! I have sensitive skin.
You see, this office is full of thieves. Curmudgeons. Crooks. Criminals. Journalists. Rascals. Ne’er-do-wells. People with no sense of right and wrong. It is as their morality organ was circumcised the hell off of them at birth. These are people who cannot leave your mug alone.
The corporation provides cheap coffee mugs to be used free of charge by those who require coffee. Coffee, for those of you still in school or unemployed is the fuel on which corporate people run.
Sometimes the clean cups run out. Because the yuppies really really needed their coffee. Like most of them were having sex the night before, so they didn’t get enough sleep, so now they are having trouble staying awake, so the meeting is even stuffier and worse-smelling than usual because when they start to doze off they lose control of their spincter. Is that how it’s spelt? Sphincter? Anyway.
Anyway. Because we know that occasions like this will arise, some of us take preemptive action. We bring our own mugs from home. The deal is that you other losers can use the free office mugs, but I will use my cool one. When the free office ones are full of brown crud, mine will still be right there, gleaming and clean and unblemished.
It doesn’t work that way, as everyone from MTN to Monitor will tell you. Everyone except those from President’s Office. In PO they don’t use mugs of course, they just swill straight from the gourd.
In case anybody missed that I’m trying to diss the president’s office by insinuating that they drink tonto at work. Please note that I am a courageous reporter who is not afraid to rub the powers that be the wrong way.
Anyway. It doesn’t work as planned, because when the free loser mugs are all dirty, the yuppie will not sigh and walk back to his sad little cubicle to continue his daydream about being anywhere but in this hell. He (or she, for even she does it. Don’t be fooled by the dimples) will reach into the cupboard and FLAGRANTLY USE YOUR EXCLUSIVE MUG.
So when you get there you find your mug filled with wasted coffee grinds.
Eugh. This is scumbag behaviour.
Unless, like I did, you thought JR wasn’t coming in to work today. I swear I only took the mug because I thought you were not coming in to work  today. I have said I’m sorry. What more do you want from me?  Stop hitting me, woman! I have sensitive skin.
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17 Comments

  1. 1.sphincter.
    2.you realise that because of the intro(and the better part of the story) we are more inclined to tell her to hit you even more?!

  2. @Ashy: I have not one but TWO flask cup thingies. Quite unique with covers and cool designs. BUT THEY ALSO GET USED!!!! I think by our security guards too. Because when I leave in the evening, they’re clean and sparkly and ready for me in the morning and when I come, well, I want to hit someone. So I’ve taken to carrying them in my handbag.
    @Baz: Carry a handbag. Manbag. Whatever. That’s the only solution.

  3. I have my very own personal mug which is mine at office.

    It’s plastic.

    I labeled it using a compass from a new Oxford mathematical set.

    My workmates laughed.

    Now all their mugs have coffee and tea-yes, the brown crud and a tea bag (who does that? My workmates). The office cleaners are sick. All both of them? Yes.

    I printed this post and passed it around so they stop laughing at me.

  4. I know what yu talking about. I used to have a big blue sexy plastic cup and some goon always used it without my knowledge. The day i found out, i let him keep it.

  5. You must be the scumbag from a journal office that I used to work in coz that sick habit ended when you left… hahahahaha… now take that! (puts heavy duty stapler into JR’s handbag and swings it repeatedly against Mr. Bazanye’s head.)

  6. It’s called TNT now days Baz. Tonto is for the wrinkled people. TNT blows your mind away even the presidential aids…sik sik

  7. Hillarious, my friend. You can almost hear me laugh.
    I guess you can ‘leave the box’ and try something else other than coffee.
    Perhaps the nuclear ‘Burn’ energy drinks?!

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