The Art Of Storytelling

(The Art Of Storytelling: An object lesson from Mister Michael Bay).

Michael Bay is the very famous director of Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, which is the title of  his latest massive blockbuster.


I feel the urge to say “the titles” because somehow that sounds like two: “Transformers” AND “Revenge of The Fallen”. I don’t know why. I’m probably not getting enough of some vital vitamin. Anyway…

TROTF is about motor vehicles from outer space thatconvert into giant robots and  fight each other while Megan Fox putters around beneath them attempting to look sexy. I don’t think she succeeded, hardly having been all that to start with.


Megan Fox: She looks like someone who just had their crossed eyes fixed with a hammer blow to the head.

Anyway, the story’s basis is very simple, as is the basis of Megan Fox’s alleged sex appeal. (She is one of those women who believe that all you have to do is bend over in shorts to be hot. Please. My fart.) So much so that I, a long term connoisiuer of Mr Bay’s work, can tell you, frankly, from my expert assessment, there was barely a story there at all.

The lack of plot has led many many many people to wonder, with scorn and contempt  unconcealed, too, why the hell this movie ended up being so popular despite not having character development, compelling plot, or even that much acting? The movie was just a bunch of fighting robots. How is that supposed to be enjoyable?

People ask themselves t his question.

As if it isn’t obvious. Let me explain.



That is a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray.

It’s a very nice thing to look at. I would enjoy watching Chevrolet Corvette Stingrays moving around on a screen.

This is a robot. ( It is called Sideswipe and that is its sword.):


It’s a very nice thing to look at. I would enjoy watching such robots moving around on a screen.

This is violence.


(As above.)

Is it becoming clear yet? You see, an action blockbuster about fighting robots from outer space is really not the time to examine the inner turmoil of a tortured soul, or to present a metaphor of the death of family-centric culture in the 21st Century. It is not even the time for an actor to show a range of or, in fact, any emotion at all. It’s time for the robots to fight.

Michael Bay understands this, so he doesn’t waste our time with a plot. He realizes that we don’t even care if it makes sense, so he took the money that would have been spent filling  the many gaping plot holes and used it to make more explosions instead, and for that we thank him. Thank you, Michael.



That is a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray.

Some people look at that and think, “Awesome car.”  Some people think, “Awesome car. But where is it coming from? Where is it going? What is its purpose? What is its meaning?”

You haha.

In short, the aesthetic merits of Transformers are entirely superficial, but they are merits, nevertheless. To whit: It looks good. that’s why we like it. There is a point to this, which I hope I will add when I update this post. It is an important lesson about How To Tell Stories.



  1. So you’re saying that we should only tell good-looking stories?

    Anyway, my sentiments about this film are not new to you. I have said it over and over again, there is only so much time you can spend watching robots fight and this movie does not realise this. Also, Megan Fox should have her overbite fixed, she’ll swallow a fly.

    No, I’m not saying we should only tell good-looking stories. Every story has a right to be told. I’m just saying that sometimes poorly-told stories can look really good, and that can be entertaining enough to us. I had more to say, but I had to dash off to hang out with the Rosemary Nankabirwas and that chick from Vogue Magazine, but I will update more.

  2. Hey. That movie wasn’t bad. A mindless two and a half hours perhaps. But that was what some of us were looking for. 🙂
    Wama Baz, you know!

  3. i have never been a fan of transformers. it has not even crossed my mind that i go to the cinema to watch it or even borrow the movie…but Megan FOX!

    I have been reading stuff about how she is the new Angelina Jolie (as far as looks go)…she was even voted the sexiest woman on earth. Earth all the creatures on the other planets assembled and decided that she is the one for us earthly creatures!

    …so it gives me much pleasure to see that there are people who think otherwise!!

  4. o i should get my arse over to the theater and watch it yes? fighting robots is good, one on one violence is also very hard to resist watching. like a car crash, but on a much larger scale.

  5. Indeed you seem to have mastered the art of story telling as well so much so that I will not borrow that movie. I shall instead make up cool movie plots in my mind while i stare at blank walls. Thanks Baz

  6. Megan fox was just put in there to give the movie some ratings.
    The robots were just fun to listen to but the fighting
    was too much that at one stage I got bored. Its just to long.
    Its popularity, i guess is because of Transformers I.

  7. I probably should but I don’t care about plot or women with over bite; In fact I cant. I’m so busy loving bumblebee/sexy yellow camaro.
    Also, this is a good way of making him believe that I watch his (guy) kind of movies…which scores good points for when I next need him to watch Ice Age with me, or even better, kill a spider:)

  8. now all hopes to dissuade me from watching this movie has chipped away at the block of disinterest i prior had… i think i will watch it

  9. Fuck you. I seriously don’t see why so many people hate on transformers. It had a plot and it was a good movie. Sure they should’ve done more with characters like Soundwave, after such a big promise. But it was a great movie. It was fun and enjoyable. People like you obviously have too much of a dick up their ass to enjoy something that isn’t 100% pure amazing.

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