While you were sleeping

“Did you go for the Navio concert, Baz?” asked the eager young intern who looks up to me because the common misconception that I am a happening dude is very potent and widespread.

“No,” I replied. “I didn’t have 10k for a ticket. I went to watch Terminator Salvation at Cineplex instead.”

There was a pause as the logical paradox implicit in that statement ground its way through the left side of her skull and caused a temporary concussion.

She recovered soon enough to ask how the movie was.

“Action packed and full of special effects,” is the assessment I delivered.

“Well, you missed a great show when you opted to go to the cinema instead,” she said.

“You are speaking of the concert event at Nakivubo, of course,” I said, stroking my chin in an intelligent way. I do that a lot. Because I have an intelligent way. It is what leads me to understand that the eager young intern genuflecting before me was talking about the heavy punching ragamuffin musician Bebe Cool received at the CBS Radio Concert that was taking place at Nakivubo Stadium the same Saturday night.

The intern was keen to insist that it was far more specially effective than any Terminator movie could be.

“Tell me what happened in detail,” I instructed. That is how we veterans talk to interns. We don’t suggest, or request. We instruct.

Because she was a Bukedde Intern, she went down to her bullpen and returned with a copy of the Luganda daily and read|:

“OMUYIMBI Bebe Cool avudde mu Kitoobero kya CBS Ontanudde ng’afeesa. Alwanye ne Bobi Wine ng’entabwe eva ku Bebe Cool kulinnya ku siteegi n’agamba nti mu Uganda mulimu abayimbi abanene babiri: Ye ne Jose Chameleone.”

For the benefit of those of you who are brainwashed by the colonialist mindset conspiracy of cultural imperialism or who for some other reason do not understand Luganda, let me translate. That means:

Self-styled “singer” Bebe Cool was introduced to the Suge Knight after he dared claim while on stage that there were only two true musical stars in Uganda: Jose Chameleone and himself. A foolhardy statement to make, indeed, when both of them are waning and, at current rates, Weasel is kicking both their asses with Radio in terms of star power.

Bukedde went on to say:

Kino kyanyiizizza musajja w’omu Ghetto Bobi n’amulumba ng’ava ku siteegi amulage nti naye w’amaanyi. Baabadde bakyali mu folofooto w’ebigambo, kanyama wa Bobi Wine n’aggunda Bebe Cool eng’uumi musosolandaggu n’agwa wansi nga takyategeera biri ku nsi.

Which I can tell you means:

BC’s longtime rival Bobi Wine was in the wings when this taunt, which was most likely directed at him, was made. He was not going to take that in a calm and responsible manner. Certainly not. Wine is a ghetto ragamuffin. He’s from the mean streets. He is straight gangsta, yo!

So he had his bodyguard attack BC as he left the stage.

The bodyguard delivered a sound and firm punch to the raggedy head of BC, causing him to see entire galaxies of stars for a few seconds and probably to determine that there are indeed more than just two.

Bukedde proceeded:

Mu kavuyo akangi Bebe yazze engulu n’ayimuka addemu  okwenyoola ne Bobi Wine kyokka bakanyama be ne bamusitula ne bamutwala mu mmotoka ng’eno Bobi Wine bw’awaga nti ‘nze ndi ‘international boxer’ era sizannyirwako.

In other words:

As Bebe Cool was being carried away to receive medial ministrations, Bobi yelled after him: “That’s your latest hit, bitch! Geddit? HIT! Cos I hit you! I packed your face with action like the fourth Terminator film!”

Full story here.



  1. So it’s Bukedde Interns now? Oh! How the mighty have fallen. and as long as I live ope I never be on the receiving end of Engumi musosolandagu.

  2. but Baz, why are you losing so much lost in translation? But that action, no movie can beat…Round two: Coming to a kafunda near you

  3. I am getting my very own intern slave in two days. The thing is though, during interviews she did sound smarter than me, so I doubt i will be doing any instructions. That aside, she is huuge! I think i am scared. i might just let her take my job instead

    In other news, Baz, you need to go back to Luganda school.

    You owe me popcorn. Large.

  4. i only got half the translation cause i am one of those who are brainwashed by the colonialist mindset conspiracy of cultural imperialism. damn!

  5. You cheated me what does “eng’uumi musosolandaggu” Explain character for character. Plus eyakunamira Bebe tanasa mbugo. Zikusoka nezitakuva mabega.
    All the fallas he helped find their voice music and place in the ugandan music industry are paying him back with punches. Poor fellow, no wife no house no car no kanyamas no PAMA no kids around. BAYUDA indeed,

  6. Hilarious Baz. You should transalate “BinaUganda” for of those who are “brainwashed by the colonialist mindset conspiracy of cultural imperialism”.

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