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The Watchmen is the most talked about, most highly anticipated, most heavily hyped movie you have never heard about. 


It’s a geek thing. To people who live their lives above ground the phrase “most talked about movie” seems self-contradictory, I suppose, because they probably never even talk about movies at all, but to those in the subterranean climes of internet chatrooms and forums and blogs, Watchmen has become the new Obama—the word of the past few months.

It is a film, (though I am sure you gathered that part) about superheroes (no, wait. Don’t turn the page yet) and is based on a very very highly-regarded “graphic novel”. Graphic Novel is a term used to describe comics when they are not comical — that is when they deal with dark, tragic themes— and Watchmen is referred to as possibly one of the best.

It is about a band of socially maladjusted characters who wear suits and masks and fight crime in a fictionalized New York city. Or, not exactly. 

You see, I recently read the book—the graphic novel, sorry—and found out exactly what it is that is so admired about the book: Everybody is fucked up. 

Seriously, they are a mad, drunk, sexually repressed, amoral bunch falling from tragedy  to tragedy, bumbling from pit to pothole; it is dreadful the sequence of events that make up this story. That sort of thing is literary gold. Readers love tragedies.

Movie watchers? I am not so sure. I mean, I am not going to judge you if you prefer a film which examines the inner colours of a tortured soul, or if you are inclined to films which investigate the intricacies of a particular pain or a unique hurt. If you liked A Beautiful Mind, or City of Angels etc, then all I will say about you is, “There goes a person who liked them.” I will not judge you.


But I, and a lot of other movie watchers, prefer to see people don tights and fly around the place punching bad guys and uttering hilarious quips. When we hear the words Superhero Movie or Comic Book Adaptation, that is what we anticipate: The amusing costume (they look good on paper, but slightly ridiculous on film, though we don’t mind the trade-off) the acrobatic violence (Biff! Pow! Ker-Plunk!), the one-liners (Like the Human Torch saying, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”). The black-or-white subtlety-free morality of the thing doesn’t bother those of us from this school and The Incredibles will always be a far better superhero movie than The Dark Knight, for all its considerable charms, ever was.

Watchmen, if it is faithful to the book, however, does not do that. Instead of flying in graceful and dramatic poses, the characters trip and fall flat into the shit of their collapsing lives and it is relentlessly depressing. (But, hey, if that’s your sort of thing…).

The most notable thing about Watchmen, though, is not the costumes the costumed heroes wear, but rather the lack of costume on the only watchman with actual superpowers. Dr Manhattan, the spectral being with telekinetic powers, likes to float around completely bukunya. Without the benefit of stitch  or rag. Naked as the bitter truth.


And the director of the Watchman movie films star Billy Crudup this way. Fully and frontally.

There is a game on the internet called movie p*rnification: You can check it out at its own website: http://www.p*rnifythis.com.. (You have to understand that I cannot type the words in full. I am afraid that if I do I will attract spam. Please substitute the asterisk for the appropriate letter.)

I understand that people who like p*rnography often make it based loosely on the plots of popular films. They slightly alter the name of the movie they are parodying and use that as a title. Hence, for example.

American Booty 

Grinding Nemo

Twist Her

Star Whores Episode I – The Phantom Penis

Saving Ryan’s Privates

I say that to say this: With the glowing blue penis of Dr Manhattan splayed all over your movie screen, Zack Snyder has provided the ultimate in gay p*rnification:

From Watchmen to 

Watch Men.


And that was the point of this whole post.

(You will note that I did not link to Antipop’s blog, even though)