My President is Black

The president of Kenya broke millions of hearts around Africa this week when he announced that he is off the market and unavailable. “I am married,” he said. “To one wife.” And he pointed her out. The red-eyed harpy with the manic wig and the glass jar containing half-eaten testicles in her hand.  

A commenter on  thinkersroom.com reports that Mwai Kibaki’s relationship status has changed from “Complicated” to “Lord, Help Me!”

Maybe Kibaki shouldn't have put a ring on it
Maybe Kibaki shouldn't have put a ring on it

 

The president of Guinea Bissau died. Shot to death, interestingly enough. Analysts agreed that it is a very dashing and glamourous way to go, and that assassinations may be coming back into fashion. Coups are back in a big way! In the past five years  CAR< Chad, DRC, Equatorial Guinea, Mauritania,  Togo, Cote D Ivore and Guinea Bissau itself have done much to rekindling the trend of African governments being forcibly taken over by the military.

 

Farewell. I am off to meet the ancestors
Farewell. I am off to meet the ancestors

 

The President of Sudan is officially a wanted man. An outlaw. The ICC have issued a warrant for his arrest. Time magazine, part of the Evil Western Imperialist Media Conspiracy, published this

Last month, National Security and Intelligence Chief Salah Gosh said that anyone in Sudan who tries to execute the warrant will have “his hands, head and parts” cut off. As for the international community, he warned, “We were Islamic extremists, then became moderate and civilized, believing in peace and life for everyone. However, we will revert back to how we were if necessary. There is nothing any easier than that.”

You haha.

 

That’s all I had folks. Now you know why this sort of thing is Ugandan Insomniac’s job, not mine.

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18 Comments

  1. You should have been writing politics ages ago! LOL! Naye even Kenyan men can’t manage their aggressive women? Okay, I know how that sounds, but still, eh!

  2. Was listening to radio today and someone mentioned that if Bashir is being indicted on those grounds(not quite sure of them), its only fair therefore that Bush and Tony Blair be indicted for all the unjustified havoc they caused in Iraq and Afghanistan. What say you?

  3. Addendum: the President of Uganda warned last month that born again pastors should lay off beer drinkers, who contribute more to the national economy than hoity toity coffee and african tea nose-in-the-air drinkers. 60% of every bottle into the national coffers.

  4. Lol, the half eaten testicles…where do u get all these words from Baz?

    Wierd but the Pres who was shot dead was bidding “us” farewell int hat picture. Dude must have known.

    Baz, assassinations have always been in fashhion. I

  5. Lucy K is special…that is the only word for it…from threatening journalists…to making the hubby make press conferences to confirm his love for her..ahaha

    lol @ Iwaya….she doesn’t rep ALL Kenyan women..don’t be scared 🙂

  6. What a dirty game politics is…..

    How many leaders has the ICC issued arrest warrants for and how many arrests have been done?….i don’t get it.

    Nice one Baz

  7. You gave it a good shot.
    I was smiling while reading all this horrific news, so you have definitely got it in you.

  8. lucy…fer indeed.
    our mahogany man needs one to keep his testicals right were they belong… in her cookie jar!

  9. if everything goes according to plan then Zuma will be president with three official wives and court appearances on fraud charges. its a good thing women in africa know their place, there will be no stepping on toes. #1 will be 1ST LADY, #2 will be 1st deputy first lady. #3- 2nd deputy first lady and 3rd depu…….

  10. Carsozy:

    I’m a Kenyan woman who has no idea what my “place” is, and who, furthermore, hates Lucy’s guts.

    “…its a good thing women in Africa know their place.”

    I can only conclude that Kenya is not an African country.

    So, you know, fuck all of y’all.

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