Chapter IV: Mission to Bethlehem


Chuck Wiseman III heaved his large stomach, and the rest of himself as well, out of his plush leather office chair. Or tried to. He had just had a hefty burger meal like the ones that be at Ranchers in Garden City (awesome!) and, because of this, he slumped right back into the chair and thought to himself, There must be a way to do this without moving. 

 “You could try video-conferencing sir,” said his assistant, primly and with barely disguised contempt. 

Wiseman thought about it and liked the idea. It involved no motion and therefore was splendid. 

“Haro Wiseman! How is weather in Amelica!” crackled one video. On the screen grinned the long face of Dr C. B. Ng, professor of Astronomy at the National University of Indonesia. 

“Weather’s great here on the EAST coast,” said Wiseman. How’s the world of Academics over there in the Far EAST?”

“Vely Good. Vely Lewarding!” replied Dr Ng, who, it was beginning to seem, only ever spoke in exclamations.

The other monitor flashed into life. A red-nosed, red-eyed, tousle-haired face appeared on it. “Asdfk sfdgsd oropisd ougsdr bndfsr, y’know?” said the man on the screen.

“Dr Ng, meet Dr O’Leary. He is a leading researcher from EAST Dublin university,” Wiseman said.

“Oh? Learry? Preased to meet you O’Really!” grinned Ng.

“Hertsrd fsdaf gwera rodfou touir, Doctor,” was the reply.

“Why he talk rike that?”

“He’s Irish,” explained Wiseman. “Now, you have received the news. The event our studies predicted is upon us. Time to head for Bethlehem.”

“Hsdfaer wer wer gosersad gour goose asdfa monk. Har har har harh!” 

“We fry by rear jet!”


Some hours later the three doctors trooped into The Bethlehem Sheraton and walked past a man and his pregnant wife arguing at the reception.

“What do you mean no room?”

“I’m really sorry sir. We’re booked solid. What with the census and Usher coming to stage a concert in town. There is just no room.”

“This is ridiculous. My wife and I came all the way from Bethlehem for this census and we really wanted to see Usher do Moving Mountains. Plus, she’s pregnant. I demand…” “EEEigh!!!” the receptionist suddenly started, staring at Joseph’s luggage “What is that in your bag? Oh no, by Jupiter! I can’t believe it! Call security! Tell them it’s a code IV! Now!” 


(Let’s see what Ivan  does with that.)



  1. But lol u people!!!

    Hahah, Baz and Ivan should have their own reality TV show on MTV. The Bethlehem Sheraton…this is almostbordering in blasphemy…but it’s funny.

    U even remember your Bible stories. I’d forgotten about the census.

    Why does it feel evil of me to laugh at this fun u poke (innocently) at the Nativity story? Lemme go read my Bible and pray everyday.

  2. You’re lucky you got in your comment about the temp. before I did, Baz.
    Change it please! 😀

    *Otherwise, this story just seems to get better and better.
    But why does that Indonesian sound so Ugandan? 😛

  3. you are right earnet, real toilet paper that one that is between ble and green and cant make up its mind… you are reading tooooooo many terry pratchetts… am on one btw…

  4. you guys have made me into a believer. I a, totally glued to this shit. Now yesterday i walked into office in the afternoon, and my first agenda is to always open my blog- reading office mail is like number 10 on the agenda- but yesterday, i opened your blog first, then next ivan’s and trampcard third!!!!!! unacceptable i tell you

    oh, and when i duplicate this comment at ivan’s blog, it will read slightly different. Let’s just say i am going to claim i read his blog first…hope u can keep a secret!

  5. hahahaha, tough one for Ivan..

    Usher moving mountains does not somehow fit in…naye it’s still a great interesting read. The mountain dew must be of great effect.

    Cheri, do read your bible and pray everyday, pray everyday

  6. Cheri, blasphe… Never ever! I don’t even allow people to use Jesus name as an exclamation of shock around me. Princess, i don’t know why it is moderating things. I tried to switch it off. Antipop,come on, even you. Why not? It’s fun. You’ll see.

  7. I like toilet paper guys–unlike guys who use walls. Wama Baz–leave the TP template. Kati–did you guys see Jupiter and Saturn romance the moon the other night? My soothsayer told me it was a foreshadow that George Bush will die this Xmas—and that is good news in the land JC was born!!

  8. These exam things had almost made me iss this post. I like. Baz must have read hisBible to remember those census things.

  9. Baz, apparently The Edge is having trouble doing anything with this post. Help him please. Update. It’s the Giving Season afterall.

    Oba what was in the luggage??

  10. This just breaks all the rules. And to think you used to be the Most Right Reverend Baz. Hmm! Anyway, what else do you have in that bag of tricks?

  11. Baz, I got the move cut…did u get yours?

    Don…lol about the walls? People still do that? At NVPPC? Wow, I thought we left that in Primary school.

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