A while ago Chanel called upon a few other bloggers to compile bucket lists. Those called included me. As a consequence, I have had the thought of death haunting me for weeks.
Finally, after concluding that I had better not die ever, ever, I settled on a compromise: a basin list, if you will, not of things to do before I die, but of things to do before I turn 35 and officially stop being cool.
- Start and circulate rumour that Yvonne from Radio One is going to join Bukedde FM and is slated to co-host drive with Olanya. It’s true. She is. I saw her the other day and I saw Olanya on the same day. In the same city.
- Ignore all the haters who suggest that I have never been cool. Game recognize game. If you ain’t seen it, you ain’t been it. If you don’t spot game, you don’t got game. I could go on but you don’t have all day and neither, despite appearances, do I.
- Change template.
- Get new Bad Idea photo. One that doesn’t look like it was shot for special Halloween edition of magazine. Last Sunday was malicious. I apologise for looking like that.
- Never hear that black house joke again. Funny story. Yesterday I was delivering Don’s Audacity of Hope to Brenda. I had kept it for way too long, bambi. It was time to let someone else read it. As I handed it over, I said, “Too bad he is black.” I then elaborated (in response to her puzzled expression—she was wearing one very much like the one you are wearing now.) “I mean because he is black, everyone is going on about his race. If he was white, people would see past all that and recognize that he is truly a remarkable man.”
- That is a brilliant, cunningly delivered insight, of course. But because it was an off day, I didn’t stop there. Had to add: “A remarkable man. In spite of his colour.”
- But at least I’m not as bad as Linday Lohan. (Lohan refers to Obama as “first coloured president” AP)
- I’m thinking of new shoes. Cos the current pair is old, battered, battlescared and in dire need of replacement. However, like all old Batas, it is also very comfortable and reliable. I think I should purchase a pair of those Rumpelstiltskins pointy-end shoes. In Gator-skin. Yeah. Then all those people who were shelling my old Bata mbu they are ugly. I’ll show you ugly.