Eye to eye

 

We had an accident a while back and the stems of my glasses fell out of alignment. One of them is tilted to the wrong degree and the result is that, when I wear them, they sit slightly askew on my face, with the left lens teetering a bit low and the right one a bit high.

I might as well be honest—the tilt is not slight. The incline is actually quite severe. People I talk to often tilt their own heads unconsciously when looking at me. Some go so far as to ask me why it is that I, and here you may want to cover your ears, look all bent out of shape.

I told you to cover your ears.

Hey, at least I didn’t say anything about looking “spectacularly bad”.

Oops. I forgot to warn you that time.

Look, don’t get mad. I have actually done you a favour. At least now you can relax in the knowledge that the whole Obama turning the white house black thing is NOT the worst joke you have heard all year.

Because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life surrounded by bad puns (giving, of course, as much as I take) I will have to get these glasses fixed. That is not as easy as it sounds.

The frames seem to be made of a pliable material, soft enough to lose their official shape, but for some reason I cannot just flex them back into alignment. They seem to like their new crooked misalignment better, and after laying them down on a level surface and trying to gently coax the right stem, which had been sticking wide and high away from the straight and narrow, down to the correct path, it shoots back with a twanging sound of defiance that I am sure is not just in my imagination. Then I am left with the image that I cannot be blamed for of a video ho’s legs. During the audition, perhaps. 

The internets, I think, after shaking such unwholesome thoughts out of my head. Why don’t I just ask the Internets? The internets know everything. 

After a few clicks’ search I find this: 

Re: Fixing bent glasses

« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2007, 09:58:13 AM »

________________________________________

Yeah, my brother is an optician.

He said to douse them with gasoline and ignite with a match. Should bend back into shape all by itself.

 

Something tells me this may be a joke. One that is not even as good as the black house one. Moving on.

 

Re: Fixing bent glasses

« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2007, 11:16:05 AM »

________________________________________

Go to a dollar store and get a cheap pair of glasses and just change the side piece –one or both.

 

 

 

Re: Fixing bent glasses

« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2007, 11:43:52 AM »

________________________________________

rearrange your face to the shape of the glasses

 

 

I then checked to see if I had googled my way accidentally to drunken-bastard-american-frat-boys.sarcasm and yes, I probably had. A bit more googling brought up two tips, which I shall now generously share with all of you, because you may have glasses of your own one day, if you don’t already.

If they are plastic, a bit of warm water will soften them enough for you to gently bend them back into place. Also, most opticians, at least those the internet is acquainted with, will fix them for free with their machines. I shall know which of these techniques works best soon. Wish me luck. I need my glasses straight so there is no distraction when I apply my trademark steel gaze upon those who even dare utter the words “black house” in my presence.

 

I leave you with this: 

 

For just
Heh.
Advertisements

26 Comments

  1. I love your comment disclaimer. Have you even read it?

    “All comments are screened for appropriateness. Commenting is a privilege, not a right. Good comments will be cherished, bad comments will be deleted.”

  2. Dee, you love Baz, plain and simple, so everything he does/says/hints, you love. No beef.

    Baz, I like the way you framed this. The whole post was sharply in focus. The template however is not easy on the eyes. And yes, the bad puns are simply myopic.

    That animation… those two round things that drop off from the other guy…

  3. Okusoka=Luganda for “to come first,” Mamazumzum.
    Okusoka=socks=stocks=firsties
    Some people throw in the boots, and lingerie with the socks. Your pick. 🙂

    @Ivan: *grin*
    @Baz: LOL
    And I, for one, like the new temp. 🙂

  4. “rearrange your face to the shape of the glasses” still has me laughing.
    Naye Baz, you should have put another disclaimer about the violence. I do not like seeing blood, even cartoon blood.

    However, this is another of those nicely written posts. Me I once broke the lens but due to brokeness had to use plaster for a while. Mbu nerd.

  5. try contacts……
    but again the face may already have been crooked by the spectacles and with contacts, you lose the intellectual look!!!!!!!
    “rearrange the face to the shape of the glasses” is still the best advice! LOL!

  6. # 3 He said to douse them with gasoline and ignite with a match. Should bend back into shape all by itself. is really blind and the mental picture of Baz following this advice has me laughing even more.

    lol @ Dee, S.k got you fair & square 1:0

    The Internets is our friend but not to be trusted always.

    Rearranging the face is a great idea

    hehehe @ Stomach hat!!

  7. he he. if they are plastic, put them in warm water and gently… ha ha! plastic glasses? what do you call them then? eye tumblers?

    there. i think i just took the prize for worst joke.

  8. Eh Baz, you mean you were not born with one eyebrow higher than the other?

    @SolomonKing, the two round things falling off are his enormous pair of …kidneys.

  9. The moment I saw the large font on your header, I thought of opticians.

    At the risk of being deleted let me say that the cartoon is scaringly funny. And these comment callouts are confusing me. I don’t know which comment belongs to whom.

  10. hello baz. *i hear its polite to greet people first.*

    i love this template. no one should say anything about it. its fabulous. i approve it.

    now about those glasses…why do you not re-enact what happened? perhaps this shall return said to former glory.

  11. hat off for the post, specs still on for the template, big grin on for the avatar
    @Dee
    SK speaks for us all 🙂

  12. God, that stomach coming off that thing made me forget all about yo post. Made my skin crawl.U should repair yo spects like all us decent peoples, haha. And importantly, u shd do rock nite at Effendy’s this Sat so I can meet ya.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s