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The Chryseler 300C. Now available in Uganda.

The Chryseler 300C. Now available in Uganda.

This sexy beast is called the New Chrysler 300C, or was called that, at least, in an advert in today’s Vision. I suppose the lucky man who ends up purchasing it will call it Amerie or Serena.

That Serena is a sexy beast at all is, however, a matter of opinion. The people who are selling her at ONLY (caps theirs) Ushs 2 million a month (terms and conditions naturally applying) certainly think she is a lovely and highly covetable creature. Those with more sensitive aesthetic organs may differ, though.

And cite rhinoceroses as some of the interesting, if not exactly attractive, things she reminds them of.

Freakin Rhino. Say "Eeugh."

Freakin Rhino. Say Eugh. Mist of stench photoshopped out of picture.

Have you ever been face to face with a real live rhinoceros? I have. Hideous monsters. Filthy ones, too. With hordes of fleas skipping gaily through the mist of foulness their body odour forms around them. This is not to mention the suspect green stains around their backsides.

 

Rhinos making more rhinos

Some rhinos making more rhinos

I understand that the rhino’s eyesight is very poor and that this, coupled with a dearth of mirrors in the savannah wilderness, gives it an excuse, but I am sure that if human hunters don’t extinct the repugnant monsters, they will die off themselves, one by one succumbing to their own scabies.

A rhino succumbs to scabies. As they all will.

A rhino succumbs to scabies. As they all will.

In the back of my mind I can’t help feeling that if someone scrubbed and disinfected a rhino, the end result (oh, and deodorized it as well. Mustn’t forget that part) would be something like the New Chrysler 300C.

But maybe this antipathy, if I may be allowed some honest soul-searching, rises from a natural envy reflex—knowing that that car represents the lifestyle of people who can afford to put two million shillings a month into a large and ugly automobile.

 

Rihanas are not to be confused with rhinos. Their massive forheads have no horns.

Rihanas are not to be confused with rhinos. Their massive forheads have no horns.

While here I stand, getting backhand-bitchslapped by the Third World every single week. I can’t even save the 10k to buy a new baseball cap.

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