The Chryseler 300C. Now available in Uganda.
The Chryseler 300C. Now available in Uganda.

This sexy beast is called the New Chrysler 300C, or was called that, at least, in an advert in today’s Vision. I suppose the lucky man who ends up purchasing it will call it Amerie or Serena.

That Serena is a sexy beast at all is, however, a matter of opinion. The people who are selling her at ONLY (caps theirs) Ushs 2 million a month (terms and conditions naturally applying) certainly think she is a lovely and highly covetable creature. Those with more sensitive aesthetic organs may differ, though.

And cite rhinoceroses as some of the interesting, if not exactly attractive, things she reminds them of.

Freakin Rhino. Say "Eeugh."
Freakin Rhino. Say Eugh. Mist of stench photoshopped out of picture.

Have you ever been face to face with a real live rhinoceros? I have. Hideous monsters. Filthy ones, too. With hordes of fleas skipping gaily through the mist of foulness their body odour forms around them. This is not to mention the suspect green stains around their backsides.


Rhinos making more rhinos
Some rhinos making more rhinos

I understand that the rhino’s eyesight is very poor and that this, coupled with a dearth of mirrors in the savannah wilderness, gives it an excuse, but I am sure that if human hunters don’t extinct the repugnant monsters, they will die off themselves, one by one succumbing to their own scabies.

A rhino succumbs to scabies. As they all will.
A rhino succumbs to scabies. As they all will.

In the back of my mind I can’t help feeling that if someone scrubbed and disinfected a rhino, the end result (oh, and deodorized it as well. Mustn’t forget that part) would be something like the New Chrysler 300C.

But maybe this antipathy, if I may be allowed some honest soul-searching, rises from a natural envy reflex—knowing that that car represents the lifestyle of people who can afford to put two million shillings a month into a large and ugly automobile.


Rihanas are not to be confused with rhinos. Their massive forheads have no horns.
Rihanas are not to be confused with rhinos. Their massive forheads have no horns.

While here I stand, getting backhand-bitchslapped by the Third World every single week. I can’t even save the 10k to buy a new baseball cap.



  1. f**ck what? I saw at someone’s blog rolll that you had posted a minute ago! how can i possibly not have socks even when i have not read yet?????

  2. Damn, hippo sex.

    That’s Ivan’s porn. No wonder he scored socks!

    New baseball cap…wat is your head size? Gimme the circumfrence of your head.(Cuz surely u can’t be a one size fits all….u’re in Rihanna’s league).

  3. LOL!!! “Circumference of your head”

    Goodness. That has made my day.

    The Rihannos too.

    I’m not feeling the Chrysler too much though… Maybe I’m one of the Serena sexy beast disputers.

  4. this blog has crossed into the pornographic realm.

    first the image of the Chrysler and what it represents encourages tumescence.

    then the rhinos, well..

    shortly we have rih rih and her immense forehead, and imagine her moving it along aforementioned tumescence….

    i am off to have a cold shower….KPLC seem to have run out of electricity again.

  5. This is a classic case of sour grapes, if I ever saw one.

    And Baz, I would not worry about the baseball cap. Afterall as they say, ‘eky’ebeeyi kya beeyi – ow’ekiwalata teyettika ffene’. Love your bald pate, man

    Lol at ‘Rihannos’.

  6. And Baz, don’t think I did not notice your grave mistake. Mbu ‘the lucky man who ends up purchasing it’?! I may buy it just to prove to you that women of these days can afford to put two million shillings a month into a large and ugly automobile.

  7. One last thing: The two rhinos’ expressions in picture 2 are remarkably identical to the one of the rhino that succumbed in picture 4. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘died and went to heaven’

  8. Rihana Made me forget what I’d read before, mposi what? You are advocating for showering of Rihana, count me in that cause.

    I knew some guy arnd wandegs who had caps at attractive prices..lucky me i made friends before he increased to the 10k range and he always gives me a discount.
    The caps here, hahaha >15$. Am getting used to doing without em

  9. Baz, that thing is not ugly…that thing is anything but ugly. What is ugly is the obscene price it costs. About $54,000, and you are allowed to pay about $1000 per month ..I am thinking it would take one’s middle-aged-ness to pay wholly for it….

    The price is what the rhino looks like.

    As for Riham, flaky…

  10. @Antipop, it’s not about cars, women and animals, it’s about money. Come back and read.

    @Vicky, no, why should a woman by that dickmobile? Women don’t have penis compensation issues.

    @ guys who say they want that car: “dickmobile” and “penis compensation” means buying a large car to make up for other things which are not large.

    @Cheri: grrrr.

  11. You Mr. Bazanye calling a car a ‘sexy beast’? Man, you’ve changed. I don’t know you any more. You’ve changed.

  12. OK at first I appreciated your post but why did you have to go bring in Rihanna with this story.OK so she has a big forehead… WOW! big deal! she is still prettier than you and those rhinos combined

  13. She still has a big forehead like a rhino , regardless of how much makeup went into making her look pretty

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