A Telenovella

It has been said before, by people more reliable than me, that this whole thing is playing out like a Spanish soap. Especially after it was reported in the New Vision that Amos Nzeyi, Amama Mbabazi’s partner in cri—I mean, in business of selling land to the NSSF was refusing to vacate his Temangalo mansion, insisting that it was not part of the land he sold to the pension body.

NSSF of course says the house is theirs. Story here.

 And now, presenting, Los Bastardos de Toma de Muestras Ricos (The Wealthy Thieving Bastards) Scene One.

 Alexandro Gomez, the man from the NSSF, is in the extravagantly decorated living room arguing with Amoroso Rodriguez.

Amoroso: “What the hell is these?  Thees is MY house!”

Alehandro: “No, it is not. You sold it to us, remember?”

Amoroso: “I sold you the squatter-infested bogland outside. I deed not sell my mangeefeecent mansion! Look at eet. It is magneefeecent!”

Enter Amoroso’s wife, Shakira. Because it is a Spanish soap, she is wearing a short, clingy dress. Alehandro likes what he sees.

Alehandro: “Ayi mami. Mui caliente!”

(Checks notes to see if she comes with the property according to his contract. She does. Yes!)

Shakira: “Hey baby, what is going on?”

Alexandro: “That’s not your baby any more, senora. The NSSF is your new husband.”

Because this is a telenovella, Alexandro is a hunk. Shakira looks him up and down and grins to herself. She likes what she sees.)

Shakira: “Really? In that case, let’s get (licks her lips) better acquainted.”

Alexandro: “By that you mean sex, I hope. Hey, if anyone calls, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Shakira: “Come on, you can do better than that.”

Alexandro: “Okay. A little over an hour.”



  1. Not a nother job…another job*

    …”Los Bastardos de Toma de Muestras Ricos” Baz, may God bless u and richly reward u for that.

    Hahahaha. Ernest Bazanyovich Seruganda.

  2. I can totally hear “magneefeeceent mansion” and see Amoroso’s lips not moving in sync with the words being spoken.

    Did I say you were hilarious? You are.

  3. hahaha i swear i need to really pay attention to these soaps i could hear their interpreter’s voices ringing loud and cleeeeer! with magneeefeeceeent!

  4. Very amusing (no sarcasm). Make this get to the funny pages of mainstream papers, and if Los Bastardos get the joke, even me I’ll apply to be on the new NSSF board this November. I am one of the contributing 200 workers after all and I did intend to fully participate in the called-off “one million man march”, that is 200 of us and 800 ghosts. Ain’t epic corruption grand?

  5. Baz–it is ideas like these that we can sell to young investors like our own Henry Ssali, and who knows–we may have a BLOCKBUSTER kina-U!! Didn’t he create Kiwaani; the movie from nothing.
    Honestly, this whole lootocracy thing has gotten to me. I need hilarious bits like yours–may be the stress will reduce. I can’t but think about Gogol’s Govt Inspector at this time—God Save our Country–on this 46th Dependence Anniversary!!

  6. Are you bored? Do you have no better way to spend your time? Are the stresses of rich people becoming richer getting to you? Posts to excite you are found here. Step right up people for a way to lighten up your day. $25 a post. Only $25 people. Paid into my account number 0123456789 in Bank of Uganda. No cheques allowed, cash only. Step right up people, once chance only!

    I will market this and make money off of it. If you won’t Baz. Thanx for the laughter.

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