Police Story

Lauryne has barely stepped four metres out of her campus hostel when there is a whoosh of floodlights, a squeal of sirens and a chorus of clicks as a cordon of police officers, crouched behind their car doors yell, “Freeze! We have you surrounded. Get down!”

Oh shit!” mumbles Lauryne. “It’s the fashion police.”

She tries to fight back! “You’ll never take me alive, coppers! I have great legs. And I’m Not Afraid To Use Them!”

Because she is a hardened miniskirt criminal. But fortunately the chief had expected this.

“It won’t work. We are all policewomen,” Detective Jane “Bulldog” Namutebi blares back through the megaphone. 

Lauryne has no choice. She surrenders and is subdued.

Back at the station, Lauryne has been forced into a police gomesi and is now handcuffed to a chair in the interrogation room.

“Talk, dammit! Who are you working with!” bellows Detective Namutebi.

“I demand a lawyer. I have rights…” Lauryne protests, but she is cut short by Namutebi.

“Rights? You think this is some American TV show? You have no rights! No rights except maybe my right fist up your face if you don’t talk! Who are you working with? Who supplied the miniskirts?”

She is interrupted when Detective Sharon Nkata enters the room and calls her aside. “Bulldog, maybe you should let me handle this. You’re getting worked up. Get a glass of water.”

As Namutebi stomps out grumbling, her quieter, calmer colleague enters the room and pulls a chair up opposite the suspect.

“Look, Lauryne, you know we caught you in the act, wearing a flagrant miniskirt, in breach of the law. You know you’re going down for this. Why don’t you just make it easy on yourself by telling us who your dealer is? I’m not promising anything, but if you offer us your supplier, maybe we could reduce your charges or something.”

“The old good-cop bad-cop routine? You guys must think I was born yesterday,” Lauryne spits.

“You have been charged with first degree sexiness and malicious mini skirt wearing as well as kapalaring in public. These offences carry heavy penalties. Do you think you will survive a trial? The judge will take one look at you and see that you are guilty. Your only hope is to cut a deal,” Nkata urges on.

Lauryne sighs. Nkata is right. Even if the prosecutor doesn’t bring up her record of previous miniskirt felonies, she is undeniably extremely totally smoking hot and any court would see that a chick like her cannot fail to distract drivers. 

She sighs. The only way to save her really really awesome ass is to snitch. She has to give up the name of the miniskirt supplier.

 

 

By the way, what’s going on with Degstar? You know, dude here: http://2bnileavenue.blogspot.com/2007/01/commercial-break.html

17 thoughts on “Police Story

  1. Baz, u had to. U just had to.
    Some stellar lines…”Bulldog” Namutebi… Police Gomesi…

    U have outdone yourself on this one. LMAO 🙂
    I think Kamikazi is going down with this story. Somebody raise “Lazarus” Degstar from the dead.

  2. [she is undeniably extremely totally smoking hot and any court would see that a chick like her cannot fail to distract drivers]

    That was the straw that broke my back Baz
    Dope Dope Dope

    And Aivan, y’know i am chuckling indeed!!

  3. “Lauryne has been forced into a police gomesi …”

    “wearing a flagrant miniskirt…”

    HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

    Meanwhile, Baz, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie just won a $500,000 MacArthur Genius Grant for her brilliant writing.

    Publish that novel, dude. Now.

  4. If Chimamanda could win that, then Baz should triple that.

    Bambi Lauryne. To be Nsababuturod like that is unfortunate.

  5. Oh yes Even Steven, the Kamikazi crew are suppliers. Why I even got myself a little tiny thing from there about a year ago. Hm, wonder what they have now. Time to pay you a visit. Just so I can also remind ‘Lazarus’ to wake up. But Baz you’ve killed me!!!

  6. Indeed, in this Buturo age–poor Lauryne could not survive. By the way Kenyan chik, I am happy for Adichie. But as for Baz—you guys even jammed to finish the few copies of Bad Idea reloaded in Aristoc–they still lie there attracting dust!!

  7. Why are there no male interrogators in this case – conflict of interest?

    White trousers on female traffic police officers distract drivers for totally different reasons. They MUST be banned

  8. DON,I WILL BUY BAD IDEA THEN REPRINT IT AND REPRINT IT AND REPRINT IT SOME MORE,SELL THEM;THEN I’LL SIT AT LIDO AND EAT SOME FISH AND SKINNY DIP WITH MY KACAMPUS CHICK IN THE MURKY WATERS.. ALL ON BAZANYE’S TALENT HARD WORK AND THE BLESSING OF HAVING A VOID HEAD.
    ITS TRUE I WILL..

    MY KENYAN SISTA;ABOUT ADICHIE SHE DESERVED IT AND BAZ CANNOT PUBLISH THE BOOK,THAT WILL BE STEALING..(THERE’S AN ENGLISH WORD FOR THAT BUT MINE IS TOO SKETCHY A ENGLISH HEAD TO KNOW IT)

    LAST AND UNFORTUNATELY VERY LEAST,BAZ ,MY KACAMPUS GIRL HAS BEEN MISSING INSIDE HER MINIS FOR A WHILE NOW,COULD SHE BE THE ONE YOU THAT KNOWS NSABA BUTURO MORE THAN WE DO OR I’M JUST SOME PARANOID BROTHER..

    WE LIKE BAZ,WE LIKE..

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