Verbatim vs Verbatim 6.0

For the first time this encounter takes place at the home next door to our hero’s. He is at the gate addressing the little girl next door.

  • When you are older and men tell you this you will slap them and or throw drinks in their faces, but I had a dream about you last night.
  • Really? Was I awesome in it?
  • You were a Swedish rock star.
  • Rock star? like Hanna Montana?
  • I have no idea who hanna Montana is. No one over the age of 14 does. Pick a better reference.
  • Okay, like Avril Lavigne?
  • Not really. You had all these facial piercings and all these tattoos and all this horrible black makeup.You looked more like the thing that shows up after Lavigne has had an abortion and says, “Excuse me, y’all won’t be needin’ that, will you? Cos I’m feelin’ kinda hungry.”
  • EEEeeeeeuwwww!
  • Don’t Euwww. You are too young to even understand what that whole image means.
  • I wasn’t reacting to your sentence. I don’t know what a borshan is. It is just that you spit when you talk in long sentences and it’s very gross.
  • This coming from someone who spends nights sleeping in her own urine.
  • You really don’t know much about kids and bedwetting, do you?
  • Nope. And you know why? Because I change the topic every time a kid mentions the subject.
  • So, I had this very odd dream, where you were a Swedish rock star…
  • I have a similar dream. The difference is slight—I am not a Swedish rock star, I am a Texan R&B star. In fact, why mince words? I am Beyonce in my dreams.
  • Beyonce is still popular? Man, that chick has lasted!
  • We figure she has about seven months left. Eight tops. But I am glad to hear this news, Baz. It means a lot to me to hear that you share my dreams.
  • No, that was not sharing, that was being freaked out by, and it wasn’t your dreams, it was my dream, and I am only here to tell you for the umpteenth time to leave me alone. I don’t want you in my dreams any more than I want you on my veranda and compound. You make them dirty.
  • I make your dreams dirty?
  • Exa—No! No you don’t! And don’t you go around telling people I said you … I have spoken enough. I must leave. I have said my piece. Stay away from me!

And our hero retreats. Hastily.