Previously on Verbatim Vs Verbatim: Verbatim Vs Verbatim Part IV and Part V

A girl with costume dreadlocks, several piercings in her ears (and one on her lower lip), tattoos on her arms and shoulders, a bare midriff and a pair of very filthy jeans is framed in the doorway when our hero opens it. After he gives her the disapproving once-over, he speaks:

  • Whoever you have come to see doesn’t live here any more.
  • Hah hah. Still the same old Baz, putting up this front, pretending to be all caustic and inhospitable, just to mask your delight at seeing me.
  • Sorry. Do I know you?
  • Do you know me? Sheesh. A girl just goes to Stockholm to pursue a music career for a few years and she is totally forgotten? I thought we were friends, Baz.
  • The only person I know who went to Sweden to pursue a music career is what the hell no it can’t be: Screaming Lizzie?!
  • Ta-da!
  • No way. You were just a tiny little kid last time I saw you.
  • Oh, spare me. I have been hearing nothing else since I came back. I know, I know. How time flies and they grow up so fast and blah blah blah. Can I come in? Do you have a beer in your fridge?
  • But I saw you just like the other day and you were three years old.
  • …and it seems like it was just yesterday, doesn’t it? Blah blah, I said, I’ve heard it all before and it is boring. I’m all grown up now, Baz. Get over it.
  • You’re not a kid anymore?
  • Nope. Not any more. Can I get a Guinness? Don’t worry. I’ll help myself.
  • Wait. What are those— those things there? Those things you’re carrying.
  • These? They are called my boobs… They have been stared at a lot, but this is the first time it is happening in horror.
  • Take them off this minute and return them to wherever you found them. I won’t stand for this!
    Damn, homie, will you lighten up? I have boobs. I drink beer. I fucking cuss shit out like a crazy bitch, too, you know? Accept it and get me that Guinness, already. I just came back to say hi to my old buddy Baz, and to check in on my fans at his blog. Does that have to be such a big deal?
  • Speaking of your fans, I think they will have a problem accepting you as being a punk rocker chick.
  • Why would they? And why is your fridge empty?
  • Because you are not cute any more. And that fridge is teeming with my leftovers and my cheese and my safis and stuff.
  • What I mean is, there is no beer in it. And as for me being cute, there’s a whole biker gang in Stockholm that would disagree with you very vehemently on that…
  • A biker gang?
  • Yeah. I got it on with their leader, Sven, right. He was an animal! Oh my Gosh! He was sooo…
  • SHUT UP! Stop that! Stop it. Who are you! That is not a question! Stop talking about sex and looking for beer and freaking me out. I demand that you return immediately to the state of extreme prepubescence from which you came!
  • Is this waragi?
  • It’s paraffin.
    (wails, as blog post ends abruptly)
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