Cooking isn’t as easy as they make it look on television (for those who have televisions. For those who don’t, refer to those who do) and one can be fooled by a fortuitous burst of beginner’s luck to think one has a knack for this sort of thing only to be brought crashing back down to the ground when one’s second meal of spags comes out bland and under-salinated and tasteless and as much fun as eating wet sweaters.

So I put aside the spags for my third attempt at self-cooked supper, and instead opted for something I figured only a piece of useless fake talentless unkitcheworthy shat could mess up: French Toast.

I beat four eggs and soaked three slices of bread and concocted and mingled and salted and fried and, a few minutes later, realised that I was a useless fake talentless unkitcheworthy shat.

I have one more option, but am wary about it. I, and you, may think it is impossible to mess up a salami/ham sandwich, but I wouldn’t bet on myself.
But enough about me.  Let us turn our collective attention to issues of national interest. People in the news.

The new Miss Uganda  plans to take a radically different approach to her job than the one taken by her predecessors. In an interview with Pidson “P-Diddy” Kakaire of Saturday Vision, Miss Dora “Uganda” Mwiima said this:

“I plan to live an exemplary life that will make me popular and important to society.”

As opposed to every other beauty queen Uganda has ever crowned, who becomes irrelevant the moment the punters who attended the ceremony drive out of the parking lot.

I think the words of a prominent scientist can be applied to Miss Ugandas. “It’s very pretty, but what does it actually do?”
But enough about her.