I succumbed to statistics last week. Someone entered my home while I was at work and snuck out with my television, leaving me with nothing but a contribution to the crime rate.
I will not say “rising” crime rate because I have read the letters to the editor pages and know how easy it is to presume that just because your personal crime rate has risen the same applies cross-country.

So for a week now I have been sans idiot box. You can see the effects. I am already getting smarter. I speak French now.

Things I don’t miss about TV—

Humpy Kay. Humpy Kay is a hyperactive video jockey from Record TV who always wears large sunglasses, moves like Kermit the Frog, and barks. That is to say he emits frequent yelp-like ejaculations of “Yah! Yah! Yah!” throughout the show, a spastic tourettes sufferer. I really keep thinking somebody should call a doctor. He looks like he needs help.

Things I do miss about TV? I would have liked to see my friend Beti Kamya on the TV news. Did she say, “I have had it with FDC and their lies. I gave them some of the best years of my life. After all the bullshit I spewed on behalf of those ingrates this is how they treat me?”

Eventually I will break down and go buy another set, but in the meantime, let’s see just how clever I can get.

P.S. For those who know themselves, I finally got something to put on http://neverman.wordpress.com