Oprah Can Kill You

Not the one you wanna be messin with

Reuters reported this morning that no-introduction-needing Oprah Winfrey has been named the world’s most powerful celebrity for the second straight year by the panel that compiles the 2008 Forbes Celebrity 100 Power List.

This means, naturally, that she can have you killed.

Yes she can. Look, Suge Knight didn’t make the list, but Oprah did. Which means Oprah has more power than Suge. And Suge can have you beaten the fuck up. It stands to reason, therefore, that you are not safe from Oprah.

Update: I have thought about it, and I feel I shouldn’t cause unessecary hysteria around here.

First of all, I don’t believe the rumour that Oprah is evil. The story that she is an eight-hundred-year-old vampire with mind-control powers is just that: A rumour. She has been spotted walking around in the daylight on several occasions.

She does have enough money to buy the entire East African Region and turn it into a sauna complex for her poodles, but it is unlikely that she will ever actually do this, so we have no reason to fear her on that front.

Besides, if you don’t count the Balkan War (and it can be argued that the only reason she started and sustained those ten years of conflict in the former Yugoslavia was that she was provoked by the Serbians and Bosnians and had no choice but to show them who was boss) Oprah Winfrey has never used her powers for mass evil so, as long as you don’t piss her off, I don’t see why we cannot go on with our day-to-day lives as usual.

 

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24 Comments

  1. U obvioulsy didn’t see the http://www.tmz.com video where suge Knight was beaten to near pulp outside a club.

    Mbu after that he wanted to beat up the person who video’d the whole thing. Instead of looking for his punisher. CHICKEN!

    Oprah is STRONG, she turned Leona Lewis into a mega star. That’s right…Leona is a pop star but appearing on Oprah made her a mega star overnight.

    Chic made Tom Cruise (TOM CRUISE, yes, the TOM CRUISE) jump up and down her sofa professing his love for Katie Holmes. That chic is strong.

    I think she has a crush on Barack Obama though. Yes, that is her strength.

    And I’m sorry I’ve blogged here.

  2. if oprah killed me, atleast i’d die with of a gold plated sword sticking out my back or front. better than being shot with a cheap gun by these robbers i hear about these days

  3. Naye gwe, don’t be hating on the chic! Ok, they say those things of if looks could kill and all but that aside, she’s as harmless as the next broad……. Oba? Speaking of vampires though, one can never be too sure. You know some of them have evolved to dayworkers? *Rushing off to fetch nearest onion* (Do they even work?)

  4. Now there’s an idea! Oprah and Obama! Imagine an illicit affair between them. Now wouldn’t that be power with a capital P?!

  5. Was just reading a story about how Madonna’s brother is about to release a Tell-All about his sister and they said Madge is the most famous woman in the world, and I am wondering more famous than the Oprah?

  6. baz sure is obsessed with oprah. i’ven’t 4gotten that sunday magazine feature u wrote way back. tell why. why are u really into her?

  7. Yes sir… ur at it again hope this did not run as a search at google… otherwise we will have you top the list from down. who said she is famous…Yes Forbes did…but I bet the pope would not do that bse she has no kids and after her generation she will be of the hook ..and who knows you will be next on top.

  8. She can ride on fame all she wants as people hate on her for working hard all they want instead of getting their backs off the wall gossiping about her

  9. Lol, “get your back up off the wall…” chanel you’re an avid fan aren’t you? Oh and when I grow up I wana be just like Oprah (except for her looks of course…just sayin)

  10. it is possible to commit nearly any crime by computer. you could even kill a person usin a computer.
    if u don’t agree, show yourself n i start with you.
    and i’m not even oprah

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