All you fans of literature with a capital L will be pleased to have learnt that this year’s Caine Prize shortlist was been released. (If you are particularly astute fans of the written word, you may suspect that this writer attempted to re-tense that sentence after suddenly discovering that the release of the shortlist occured weeks ago. So this was not news any more. He didn’t want to let go of the story, though, so he just switched some tenses and proceeded.)
The shortlist is massively exciting news and you should all be clutching your chests, but some of you can barely raise your drooping eyelids. Philistines! Well, if you need help understanding what the big deal is, try thinking of it this way: if there was a competition for best Afrian p*rn, and the judges released a shortlist of the best flicks, it would be similar to this news, except with the blood in the wrong end.
Speaking of p*rn (you can’t write the word in full otherwise you attract sp*m) we are still going through the necessary formalities before R. Kelly’s inevitable conviction, as you know. There was extra drama outside the trial, Thursday. A 48-year-old mother of three was arrested on contempt charges after yelling “Free R.Kelly” at jurors on that morning. As she was led away she may or may not have recited: “It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” (Geddit?)
f Blogs really were better than newspapers, as some have claimed, we would have a Kirk Franklin concert review online by now.
A kick to a dead horse
Say there was a hypothetical bar conversation where in which an imaginary, fictional, legally non-actionable chap spoke of a president (similarly fictional, hypothetical, imaginary and non-actionable) was flying in his helicopter to some remote part of his developing country. The president saw a sprawling building below and asked what factory it was. He prided himself in being a hands-on pres and thought he would know about any new factory being built in his land.
He was told that it wasn’t a factory. It was the country home of one of his ministers, (who would later be charged with corruption).
If such a thing happened in Uganda, (as opposed to in this fictional country) you would only hear of it in rumours in bars. The most egregious crimes of corruption cannot be reported in the papers; I mean, how do they prove that it even took place? Kirunda should relax. The press is not “out of control”. We are very well-restrained. Sigh. One day I will run into Angelo Izama again and ask him. He knows.
There was a series of commercials that ran on CNN back in the day, where they had eminent actors (John Gielgud, Patrick Stewart, Ian Mckellen and others) reading some speeches. They read from Tennyson’s Ulysses, from Shakespeare, they read Invictus and they read others. I know they are on Youtube somewhere, but I can’t remember the name of the bank or any other details I can use to construct a viable search query. Can you help me? If you do, I promise not to link to the picture of why you should not go bungee jumping when your girlfriend is around