Before we get into this week’s festivities, we have an announcement. The announcement goes as follows: “Vubi!! Dude, is that you? Eh! Guy, hit me up on the email! I’m at! I swear! Imagine!”

End of announcement. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Presenting, the next episode of Fictional Office I Swear Fictional.


Stressed Out Reporter: IT, the computer isn’t working
IT “Worker”: What is wrong?
SOR: If I could tell, I wouldn’t be on this end of the line, would I?
IT “W”: Could you describe the problem?
SOR: Okay, the thingy that is supposed to do in the nanakani has gone kaput. Dude, I am  not the technician in this conversation, I don’t know what the problem is. How about you come here and find out? The computer isn’t working.
IT “W”: You mean it has frozen?
SOR: Once more for the cheap seats: If I was conversant in the technical terminology, I would not be working in editorial department. I would be in IT doing whatever it is you guys do in lieu of work. Perhaps coming up with new ways to put up restrictions and barriers and passwords and permissions to make everybody’s life more and more difficult. But enough of this gay banter. How about you come over and fix my computer?


Sensitive Colleague: Man, Are you okay? I never see you like this.
SOR: Like what?
SC: So rude. Talking on the phone like that. Why do you treat IT that way?
SOR:  Aate how should I treat them?
SC: I don’t know. Like human beings, perhaps?
SOR: They are not human beings. They are trolls. Like the ones in fairy tales which eat children.
SC: That’s harsh.
SOR: Believe me, the contempt is mutual. I think they are insufferable and smug and on their part, they think we are all idiots. There is no love between us to lose.
SC: I think you are being too judgemental. You are stressed out. Maybe it is something you did to the computer that caused the problem in the first place.
SOR: Even if it is, the principle remains. I am a reporter. My job is to write stories. If the stories are not written, I take the responsibility. IT’s job is to make sure the computers are working. If the computers are not working, I have to take the blame for that, too? Even if I am the one who messed up the computer, it is still their job to come and fix it. Where are they anyway?

In comes Level-Headed Colleague.
LHC: Here, give me the phone.
Picks up phone and dials IT.
LHC: Hello, IT? There is someone here surfing Facebook.
IT “W”: WHAT?? Facebook?? I’ll be right there!!

IT “W” arrives 40 seconds later.