Dirty word Akon

By which I mean Fuck Akon.

Fuck him and his grubby white vest-wearing, nasal-squeaking, tar-baby looking, conflict diamond-blinging, lying child-molesting self. Fuck him entirely and without consolation.

No, I didn’t want to hear him sing: I could care less about his singing. It doesn’t even move me enough for me to dislike it. It’s just there. I actually palpably hate T-Pain, but Akon barely merits discomfort.

He is a ringtone. A tinny, clangy, unremarkable ringtone.

Fuck him and his tinny unremarkable ringtone singing.

It wasn’t the singing—I was even planning on taking headphones and an MP3 player to the concert so I could jam to Game Theory by The Roots.

It was just the concert. I had a VIT: A Very Important Ticket, that would give me access to the coolest parts of the concert premises, including the area where the upper corporati would mingle, like a knot of sitting ducks, just waiting for me to assault them with my business cards. I was very eager to take this opportunity to build business contacts through social networking or, in other words, charm my way into getting people to pay me.

Like Timothy Bukumunhe. He’s rich and I’m broke, a situation that is unjust and in deseperate need of remedy.

The VIA (Very Important Area) also promised endless streams of exotic liquors and I have never tasted Amaretto.

I was going to taste Amaretto, man! Now, because of some spoilt statutory-rapist prima donna I have missed my chance to find out whether or not it is better than Safi Pineapple.



Oh, update: In this office: There was a brief discussion about recent reforms introduced by Raul Castro in Cuba, reforms such as allowing people to buy Microwave ovens, DVD players, mobile phones and personal computers.
“That was a cool place to be broke in,” said Nigel. “Even if you don’t have anything you can be like, ‘Hey, it’s the law.’”

(In case you didn’t hear, tell 27th)




  1. You can still go do whatever, you were gonna do, can’t you?

    Maybe you should embrace ya brokeness. I have a feeling you are a reasonable human being because you are broke. Get rich and see how much of an asshole you will become. I am just sayin’

    I don’t wanna be rich. Money makes me evil.

  2. That was quite the diatribe (is it diatribe when it is written?), would not want that tongue pointed at me (oh, you know what I mean)

  3. baz,baz,baz, of all places to build you corporate connections, you pick a music concert, but not just a concert, one of a guy who likes to “smack that”,& “wanna fuck u”, &4 him it “don’t matter” to publicly dry hump someone on stage, 21 or nt…i like the way u think, hold on to yo ticket & go hit those guyz wit yo business card the way the cyclone hit myanmar!

  4. am surprised victoria’s comment isn’t posted yet…this must be serious, am worried! oh yeah, big ups to p-square 4 their patience. they r here waitin’ 4 that kiwani akon.

  5. Miss u too ununder. Work calls.

    Worry not, Baz. Bring yo biz cards 2 my birthday drink up. I promise better networking than with broke highschoolers. Bring your own Mareto

    There is safi pineapple??!

  6. Me, when people see that my crib has no carpet, and that my sneakers are old and that my socks are perforated … Eh, it’s the law!!! 😮

    Raul’s a sell-out. A fucking dissident, and he’ll be shot right after Akon.
    Meanwhile, Akon, apparently, is here tomorrow.

  7. Oh, and I want to ask them Cubanos at the Cuban Restaurant in Garden City (where I habitually go to spy) what they feel about this … They must want to kill Raul. 🙂

  8. who saw akons booking agent reassuring funs yesterday on ntv news? bambi, the whole time i kept thinkin’ how ugandans will beat up the poor guy if his boss doesn’t show, 4 hell hath no fury than a ugandan with a VIT ticket conned.

  9. I totally agree with the anger u have exhibited Baz, his disappearance speaks volumes about the co shoving him into our faces. I shredded my OT (ordinary Ticket) wn I learnt he wasnt coming n yes lest i 4gt……f@?ck hm n the organisers. Except tha ka PR chk that did all the dirty work telling us to keep the damn tickets, I think I hv better ideas for her beautiful face and its not billboard shit. Plz baz gv he my address if she contacts ya.

  10. I have learnt new vocabulary from this…

    VIT, VIA, Corporati…

    Ssebo Baz, anything is cooler than Safi Pineapple! Even Calypso. And, also, I never wanna be on the recieveing end of yo communique.

    But Lol @Nigel..he’s funny. And Yeah, lemme read what Rev has to say about this.

    EDIT>>> Rev, u had to say that! Why did I expect something else?

    @ Dee…Ditto Savage…please explain what u mean. Please help, my mind is inthe gutter.

  11. @Un understood. Lol. I saw him. He was there mbu “Akon had strep flow. You know what strep flow is? Strep flow is a condition that affects the throat…”

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he is lying and that Akon was in fact busy at a celebrity’s birthday party singing away. Sore throat simanyi strep flow, my foot!


    Please join me in lobbying for that. Her Comments are hilarios and so I think her blog would be a very good read!

  13. Yes, I thought it was either you or Baz. Now I think it is Baz. Come to think of it. Hilarious is Baz.

  14. Temukoowa? Hating on the dude? He don’t deserve y’all’s attention. But gwe, that VIT, waaaaaay cool. ‘Specially since you’re not a 14 year old girl in a tight mini skirt.

  15. unbelievable AND I THOUGHT I WAS A FAN.

  16. This place seems to be crawling with intern lingo. I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around some of the comments!

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