Fictional Office (but based on a true story)

Intern II, also known as Smart Intern (not to be confused with previously mentioned intern, or “Intern I”, or “Dumb Intern”) leans into a doorway.

Smart Intern: Excuse me, the phones in the newsroom are offline. Is it okay if I use your phone?
Office Sexual Harrasment Guy: Of course. Heh heh. As long as you push my right buttons! Heh heh heh. Slurp.
Smart Intern (has misgivings): Um, well, actually it’s okay. Thanks anyway. I don’t really need to make the call now.
OSHG: No, don’t be shy! I was just teasing you. Guffaw! Guffaw! Of course you can use my phone. Come in!
Smart Intern (Gingerly, nervously, really not thinking this is such a great idea, steps over to the phone and dials the number. Puts the phone to her ear. Gingerly, nervously. Her whole demeanour is one of a person who would at that moment give her right arm with no bargaining for the power of teleportation. This is because the whole time she has been in the room OSHG has not taken his eyes off her bum): Hello… hello… um… I’m calling from—I mean, could I speak to—I mean is this… Wrong Number! (Slams phone down.) I think I will call them later when the phones in the newsroom are reconnected. It won’t take long.
OSHG (because such guys are useless at picking up nonverbal communication): It was a wrong number? Oh sorry. By the way, why don’t  you give me your contacts?

Just then Hot Office Chick enters the room.

Hot Office Chick: Muwanguzi, other phones are not working. I need to use yours.
OSHG (switches his attention right round to Hot Office Chick without skipping a beat): Of course! Of course! As long as you push my buttons right! Heh heh heh!
HOC: Dude, whatever. Where’s the phone?

She is about to reach for the phone when another voice appears in the doorway. It is Veteran Office Secretary.

Veteran Office Secretary: I understand the only phone that hasn’t broken down is in here. Can I make a call?
OSHG:  Yeah, of course. But you have to wait for Aggie. She got here first.

Smart Intern (who hadn’t left the room yet): Hey, how come you didn’t tell her to push your buttons?
HOC: You mean he also told you to push his buttons? I swear Muwaguzi, I don’t know which to be offended by the most: that you used a line, that you used a recycled line, or that you used that fake line!

In the doorway again. Dumb Intern, or Intern I appears.

Intern I: I nd 2 mk a 4ne col. Cn I uz ur 4ne?
OSHG: Yes, come in.

HOC, Smart Intern and VOS wait for it… wait for it.. here it comes…

OSHG: As long as you push my right buttons! Heh heh!

Bang! There it is! 

HOC: You know what? I suddenly remembered that there are people who sell airtime.
Smart Intern: Me, too. I don’t deserve this in my life.
Intern I: That what? That u wnt me 2 push ur buttons? Giggle giggle giggle and squeal! But u muwanguzi ur so noti! That I psh ur buttns!?

VOS: You can’t leave. Don’t you remember, the Welfare at Work committee resolved that you should never leave Muwaguzi alone in a room with any female employee?

Etc etc.