Looking back on an illustrious career as a lying hack

I found another one of my old articles. How old? Well, it describes Bobi Wine warming up for Tempra Omona. That’s how old.

Benson and Hedges Club Silk Sanyu FM Rave and Soul Street Jam, baby. No traffic tonight, please, we’re dancing.

Since it was billed to start at eight, I observed the proper etiquette and walked in at quarter to ten, expecting to find the legend true, that when they say street jam, they mean “jam” — that the place gets so crowded, it’s impossible to reach round and scratch yourself in an itch emerges on your backside.

But at this hour there was plenty of room. Enough to play a friendly game of rounders. Which we almost did, given that nothing was happening on stage. We just muttered about and chattered about for the time being, casting impatient glances at the stage, and glances of another sort at that brown chick in the maroon one-piece with the slit that revealed everything to the wind and open sky. She must have left home in a frightful hurry. She forgot to bring the bottom part of her outfit.

We had three MCs: Colin Jam Agenda, Mitch Evening Drive, and Dennis Sabrina’s. At 11.15 Mitch bellowed out, “Are you readeeey?!”
Yes. We have been ready for nigh on an hour. So ready that any further procrastination would have prompted me to take the stage my own damn self and have my own damn show.

MC Mitch, as boisterous, energetic, and willing to ignore the fact that we had waited so long as only Mitch can be, introduced the first act as Michael Ross, “a young man who has been dancing for four years.”

Four years? He must be exhausted.

Michael Ross, it turned out, lacks a skeleton. How else can a person dance like that? He was Ginuwine, Usher (even did that ultra-cool Usher handstand) and Michael Jackson all in one. It was phenomenal. Modern science needs to study this guy.

Now the party was swinging like Robbie Williams on a winning streak. We had Menton wearing the same shirt he had on in the pinup for In Heaven There’s no beer, which Sunday Vision ran, like, two years ago.) We had a group called Vibrations who started out like SDA half-hour before they suddenly began to rock like they were the next KADS Band. We had Red Pepper centre-spread Bobby Wine and sidekick asking us, “Are you feeling mud? Me don’ know se you feeling mud.” Curiously perplexing.

Tempra Omona, the first established mainstream star to come on stage, did an extended set that included dancers, fire torches and a white suit with no shirt. There seems to be a shortage of clothing among musicians. First Kronno can’t get a new shirt, now this. I spotted Miss Bulown with the maroon one-third of a dress and thought, she might be a musician, too.

Amarula family came on with an array of guests who included Winnie Byanyima, Kakooza Mutale and a bug-eyed Kiiza Besigye. There was a special appearance by their Saida Kaloli, a slim guy with huge breasts and four buttocks, one pair on top of the other. You can see them straining though his skirt…

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20 Comments

  1. what happened to Tempra anyhu?
    I see Amarula family really havent evolved. seeing that they have a standard act, the dude should consider butt inplants in the name of investing in his career.

  2. 1.You actually big up Michael Ross….wait..did you then just big up Michael Ross?

    2.Dude, SDA half hour? I am proper insulted!!!!

  3. I so remember Menton Kronno rocking his red and white stripped tee to threads. It musta been his lucky shirt because after he got rid of it, he faded.

  4. I have majic dye that gives life to old faded clothes, Menton Kronno should borrow it. Maybe it would revamp his career!

  5. I saw Tempra in San Diego in 2005 during a fund raising concert for Northern Uganda.

    He now lives in NYC. I just watched his new video on myspace. Now I don’t wanna jump to conclusions, maybe the brother is later to this myspace party, but he has five myspace friends.ONLY. That is including Tom who becomes ya friend by default. I am sure Baz can relate to this situation since I once landed on his hi5.com profile and he had only one friend-Ivan.

    People need to shows others some love.

  6. Lol @ Magoo and KC

    Magoo, the guy is very selective.

    And KC, that’s wat we do best…have the wierdest on names. U obviously haven’t heard of Butcherman, Master Blaster, Lizard etc…

  7. tempra. now dose were d days

    along with rasta rob MC, luther tee, terry divos, shanks vivie d, sister slave, prim n propa, lyrical G, all dem cats

    damn, growing up sucks! Bobi wine used to curtain raise 4 tempra, LOL
    well, juliana used to curtain raise 4 fiona wamala at dv8

    ryt, magoo?

  8. Deg, Terry Divos is growing into his own here. He has some pretty nice stuff.

    Ask Magoo for his myspace link…he’s good with the web.

  9. whatever happened to you Baz? that is some spectacular writing! did you ever find out what happened to two thirds of the lovely lady’s garment, or what “feeling mud” was? Any more in the archives we should take a gander at kind sir?

  10. maybe you didnt see the rest of the garment……cud have been some fashion craze………………………….ok she aws naked…………..or it got ripped by the door as she was shutting it. yeah that sounds better

  11. I was forced to read this again – Thanks to Baz! What on earth happened to guys like Shanks vivie d? …any idea who did Ragga d and Bebe curtain-raised for?

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