Nobody ever got rich just sitting on their ass. This is a fact of science. We all need to exploit the talents we have; we need to employ them in a focussed effort to break the yoke of poverty. I learnt that on Friday reading a self-help book.

This book also brought to light another interesting fact of success: No one can make it on their own. Teamwork and cooperation and partnership are vital elements of success.

That is why I spent Saturday convening the Ugandan League of Supervillains.

That is the most fiendish, wicked, sneaky, cunning criminal minds in the land (who are not currently employed in public service or government).

We met at My Chuchi, the bar in Kabalagala, for our inagural meeting, where we signed a treaty of loyalty, each with a drop of blood, and swore to pursue our purpose to the end– mischief, mayhem, and the we. Will rule. Ze world. Muahahaha.

Because we cannot use our real names, we agreed to adopt cool supervillain codenames for ourself. So our roster reads:

  •  
    • Rogue Trooper
    • Dr Despicable
    • Colonel RightHook
    • Valley Damn
    • Ivan Musoke

Amongst us we have a weapons expert, a strategy expert, a technical wizard, a hypnotist, a pimp, a fixer and a ninja.  There is one element missing, though: we have no money.

“Why would we have to form a criminal gang if we already had money? The whole purpose of theft is to get money you don’t have,” snorted Valley.

“Relax, dawg. I am cunning. I have a plan,” I said.

 We have to get a bankroller. We need a lex Luthor. And I know just the place to get one…
I believe firmly in the presumption of innocence. I believe that even if the police bursts into the building and finds a man with his entire shirt front splattered with blood, and he is holding a monogrammed machete stained in red, and he is panting heavily, and he is standing over a body which gastps “you killed me, you bastard!” with its final breath, and he snarls, “Yeah. So? And you do what” at the body as it lapses into death, that man should still be considered innocent until convicted following due process.

That said, we now turn to
Danny Ocean and Rusty Ryan

Innocent until proved otherwise of course, but what if, what IF the bastards have the money?

(I said if to stay within safe parameters and legally insulate myself.)

But there is an opportunity here.

The band of villains just finalised a plan. To kidnap/rescue them.
If they have the money, sweet. If they don’t, we will demand a ransom from whoever does.

Advertisements