According to research by the reputable numbers firm Steadman and associates (or is it the disreputable numbers firm that Steadman disassociates himself from? I need to remember to check that)  92% of every single Ugandan person who has ever logged on to any single one of the internets is an avid fan of the Sanyu FM morning shot, the Sanyu Breakfast.

And therefore probably heard  the wicked and malicious slur Breakfast deejay Fat Boy  uttered against the noble natives of the Bweyogerere area last week.

The rotund radioman said, all audacity and no shame, that when he meets fans from Bweyos and they ask after his co-host Melanie, they do this by mispronouncing her name. They say, he says, “Greet Merans.”

Shyaaa. That as if we be there so local that mbu we can’t say Melanie we only be there saying that I hear Merans. Shyaa.

Okay, granted some things cannot be denied and admittedly Bweyogerere-Kireka people are not the most sophisticated and wordly-wise in the nation. As a nigga who has repped that hood for many years, even I will admit it. Guys are L.

I am sorry for using the word Nigga, Phillip. I know it upsets you, but I find it funny. Hah and hah. Now, enough discourse on cultural politics and the ethics of history. Back to the blog post about Fat Boy.

Bweyos people are backawads, admittedly. Do you know what a Bweyogere takeaway is? It is a rickety table by the roadside next to the boda boda park/weed club. A bucket of chips sits on top of this table and behind it, a school truant with buswahili, ready to scoop out a handful of these chips for you if you give her five hundred shillings. For the chicken, all you do is step to the next stall. There is a charcoal grill with bits of chicken-corpse on top of the rusty grid getting charred. Next to him is the rolex. Bweyos doesn’t have the gourmet rolex you Wandegeya people are used to. Just the basic primitive two-egg thing. Tut tut.

If it’s any consolation, there are two takeaways in Kireka. All you have to is walk down over what will eventually become the northern bypass and you can find sausages on sale inside buildings. But they look like little shriveled guinea pig embryos so I don’t recommend them.

Bweyogere/Kireka isn’t the most styled up, we know. The Twin Trade Centres have like only one internet place. And that is only used for porn, but that doesn’t mean you Bukoto snobs have the right to pick on us like this. Are we the only uncivilized boondock loserville suburb in Kampala?

No. According to research from a numbers firm etc…

1. Najanankumbi people only wear knickers on Christmas and if they are in the bridal entourage at weddings.
2. People in Zzana actually pay money to watch Ragga Compious, Master Parrot and No Creature perform on stage. You can’t imagine.
3. In Bwaise they still listen to Judy Boucher. On cassette tape, moreover. I mean aate what.
4. There is a part of Kyebando that is so backawad, they have an LC 0.5
5. There are three donkeys in lower Nateete serving as a boda boda.

I will stop now. You get the idea.