Live from The world famous Mityana TV studio iiiiiits,
What’s Wrong With This Picture!
…With your host, Errrrrrnest Bazanye!!
(Wild studio applause.)
Baz: (After running onto the set like Tyra and hi-fiving the members of the audience): Thank you thank you. You are too kind. Settle down settle down.
(To Camera) Hello viewers at home, and welcome to another edition of your favourite game show, What’s Wrong With This Picture. Brought to you by Nice House of Plastics. Let’s meet our contestants.
(Turns to contestants)
Our contestant number one is The Legendary Queen of Soul herself, two hundred and forty-five-time Grammy award winner, Aretha Franklin!
Contestant number two is former Mbarara Municipality Member of Parliament and two-time Kora Award nominee, Winnie Byanyima!
Last but not exactly least, contestant number three. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most annoying human being in history, Chris Tucker!
Are you ready to play What’s Wrong With This Picture?!
All three contestants: Smile bashfully.
Baz: Our first picture was taken outside a mosque in Bweyogere on Idd El Fitr. For those of you watching in areas like Mityana where they still have Black and White TVs, it is a picture of a pink, repeat, pink Mitsubishi sports car.
First contestant, what is wrong with this picture?
Winnie: I think what is wrong with this picture is…
Baz: Please, speak faster, Winnie, we don’t have all day.
Winnie: Sorry. I think what is wrong with this picture is that there is a car, but there is no road. My answer is lack of road.
Baz: Contestant number two, what do you think is wrong with this picture?
Chris: Can Winnie and I get a room?
Baz: Security, please hose the contestant down.
(Contestant is hosed down.)
Baz: Contestant number one. Aretha, what is your answer?
Aretha: Baz, I couldn’t help but notice that the car is coloured Pink. That is distressing to me. How can a sports car be coloured pink? My answer is The Screamingly Inappropriate Colour Of The Vehicle.
Baz: Judges, what do you think? (Pause. Listens to earpiece.)
Baz: The judges say… The Screamingly Inappropriate Colour Of The Vehicle is correct! Ten points to Queen of Soul and two hundred and forty-five-time Grammy award winner, Aretha Franklin!
Baz: And now for our second round, picture number two. This is Rocko Artis, a local artiste at one of those sorts of places where you find this sort of person.
Let us ask our contestants what is wrong with this picture. Winnie, what is wrong with this picture?
Winnie: Eugh! That is not bling bling, that is bleah bleah!
Baz: Not Bling bling but bleah bleah? Judges what is your response? (Listens to earpiece) The judges say close but no cigar. Sorry Winnie. Next contestant. Chris Tucker.
Chris: I think he looks hot. I’d definitely do him.
Baz: Security please hose the contestant down harder. In fact, no. Beat him with blocks of ice.
(Contestant is beaten with blocks of ice until he calms down)
Baz: Contestant Aretha, you are the one that’s left. What is your answer?
Aretha: Well, Baz, I think this picture is dreadful. Look at that boy. He epitomises the word “nigger.” I am black myself, but even I feel like practicing racial discrimination against him.
Baz: Judges, is that right? Epitomising Nigger? (Listens to ear piece) Yes, that is correct. And the second round goes to Aretha Franklin, contestant number one!
Baz: Now, don’t forget, you are watching What’s Wrong With This Picture, brought to you by Nice House of Plastics, MTN Everywhere you go and Rosa Toilet Paper Everytime you go. We’ll be right back after these messages.