Okay. There are three stalls and three sinks. A sink in front of each stall.

If you are a normal hygienic male you do not want to sit on somebody’s shitty shoeburyness. That is to say, you don’t want to walk into the loo some guy just defiled a second ago. You want a fresh one.

So, which stall do you go for?

I assume, I have not done the social anthropological studies to ascertain for a fact, that the best idea is to go to the furthest one. That is the one that is least likely to have been used recently because most other chaps will go for the nearest ones.

Right?

Unless most guys think they want the privacy of the furthest stall from the door. So that stall is actually the most popular.

I am looking at the middle stall with interest. It is probably the least-used stall because guys will avoid it in the name of privacy. I figure that if you want privacy, you won’t want a stall which is in the middle because the next guy to come in will have no choice but to sit right next to you. The furthest stall at least makes the middle stall available to act as a security buffer zone.

It gets worse.

What if you walk in and find one guy in the loos. He is at the sink in the middle.

Digression: There used to be a guy in this office who I and others called Heinous Anus. It was highly advised that any bowel movements male employees plan to have be executed before six o’clock. Because this guy usually liked to pass by for a hearty dump just before he headed home.

And what a hearty dump it was. The entire loo was a fallout zone for an hour after. You know those of until it is even warm? The entire room! Generally, if you saw Heinous Anus lumbering his big bottoms towards the gents, it were best you just surrendered and moved to the lower floor.

He retired, bless him, and so the loos are free from him now. Though there is someone we have not yet identified. We call him Splatterguts. He makes a mess. Eugh.

Back to the question at hand. You walk into the gents. There is a guy washing his hands in the sink. Which stall do you go to? You have to find a way of figuring out which stall he has just used and avoiding that one.

You would assume that it is the stall behind the sink he is using, right?

Not quite. I just got back from the gents. A guy was washing his hands in the middle sink. The middle stall behind him was occupied. The other two were vacant. The door of the further one was open. I assumed that is the one dude had just come from.

So I go to nearer one.

EUGh!!!

Footprints on the toilet seat and wiz all over the place.

I am going to buy a potty for myself.

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