We tend to think that beauty contests are for dumb chicks — The yard is well-tended, but there is no one home sort of thing.

This is not always true. Not all beauty pageant contestants dwanzettes with nothing in their skulls but a lot of thick black grease just sloshing around the place and only two heavily overworked brain cells trudging through it grumbling about having too much of a task remembering that the lipstick goes on the lips not the earlobe and griping that if there was more staff they would be able to spare resources on things like speaking with lucidity, but as short as they are on labour, they cannot waste time on that; they need to focus on the task at hand, which is remembering which side of the shoe to put the foot on.

Not all beauty pageant contestants are like that. Some pageant contestants are actually able to multiply double figures in their heads.

If you give them enough time and do not make any noise to distract them.

And allow them to use their fingers.

Others, moreover, are actually intelligent. But we never hear of those. Every beauty contestant who is given a microphone says something dumb into it, to the delight of the New Vision reporters.

But if you thought Miss Uganda contestants were bad, you need to check out Miss South Carolina. This is a global epidemic.

She was asked this question: “Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

Her answer, written exactly as she said it: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps. And I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere, like such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

I found the video here:

I found the video here:
Kenyanchick, who introduced me to the hapless blonde, said, “The Youtube age is a cruel one. Very cruel. This doesn’t, however, mean I feel any sympathy for her whatsoever. Oh no. Dumb as a sack of hair.”