Ah, now I get it!

I got my African Woman review. (Ref: Bitching about not getting my African Woman review)  My very first book review. I feel so…

…I feel so violated, so dirty, so exposed, so ruined for all women.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the review. They said my book was funny. I am grateful that they managed to come to this conclusion. I know they had to overcome great obstacles to reach it, obstacles like the reviewer not knowing what this things called jokes look like, but I am glad that they got there, though, and am proud of them.

The Reviewer (who also said the book was funny, which I appreciate that) said it was marred by inaccuracies borne from such ignorance as this: That I Hear I don’t know what Dolce and Gabana is.

Have I ever told you my Dolce and Gabana joke? It is hilarious. It will kill you, absolutely slay you, completely wreck genocide within the precincts. Har har chortle snigger and guffaw as I descend into that thing where a guy laughs at his own joke before he even tells it.

Here is the joke.

World’s Funniest Joke

No, that wasn’t actually, the joke, that was just extra.

That I hear: “Tell me ze yoke!” Chuckle and guffaw.

Hem-hem!! This is the joke:

“Look at that very fashionable man. He loves the heavily-advertised fashion labels and is always wearing brand name clothing. He is often clad in Dolce, or Gabana. Occasionally even both.”

That is my Dolce and Gabana joke.

(Silence. Sound of pins dropping as far away as Brazzaville)

Geddit? Geddit?

(Sound of pins dropping in Lisbon)

Okay, I may have oversold it a bit. Maybe it isn’t that funny after all. Maybe it is actually a very poor joke.

Maybe the reviewer, on encountering this monstrosity, thought to herself, “What a dreadful joke. He can’t be serious, ironically. No, there is no way any sane, rational, intelligent human being with opposable thumbs can come up with a joke so awful. It is more likely that he does not know what he is talking about. Evidently this man is completely clueless about Dolces and Gabanas. I would rather believe that he is ignorant and/or negligent than believe that he is stupid.”

And the review that issued forth, consequently, issued forth.

Ah. Now it all becomes clear.



  1. First – Because of Monty Python, I am officially in love with you. Feel free to have your way with me on the African Woman floor.

    Second – Speaking of African Woman, I had sworn off it, but I guess I will have to con the shopkeeper’s wife again to have a quick read in exchange for endless praise about how much weight she has lost and how lovely she looks and …

    Third – Stick to writing, love. You have no future in stand-up comedy.

  2. See, Baz? Just control who reads your shit. Salman isn’t read by mujideens. May be bad or good for him, but at least he can control who reads his stuff.

    Now you … dumb reviewers reading you and all … no good, ooooh.

    @Tumwijuke: 😮

  3. I got my African Woman, City Beat and Drum last thursday.( Yeah, those things reach me). Read that review(been a long time coming. Almost a year) and I thought it was baselessly judgmental. There is no way, you can be ignorant of the things they accused you of being oblivious of.

    Usually I don’t read book reviews( I don’t read books, duh!), but I was drawn by the little yellow book. After reading that book review, I reaffirmed what I have always thought-Ugandans can’t review shit. At least going by those so called movies and CD reviews I see in the papers.

    Sorry to those of you, who sometimes write reviews, you totally kiss ass. And I mean that. I didn’t have time to separate those who kiss ass and those whose asses are kicked by the idea of what a good review should be. I will give you my apology in person. Coffee, anyone?

  4. Baz, for me i was kindly asking that you please break it down for me and those poor souls that work with African Woman.

    I want someone from that so-called African Woman magazine to understand that they are totally and completely being dissed but with this sort of kazungu, they might not understand a word being said.

    As for the joke, i have not understood it one bit. Where you actually trying to be funny?

  5. damn!
    i got d joke Baz, truthfully i did.
    and one other thing, that reviewer sed sumthin nasty abt ur foreign language skills…u myt wanna look into that mate!

  6. Wamma Baz, you are not the only one! Those Dolces and Gabbana things, i cant even pronounce them! Are they French of Italian, well never mind, (African woman said you dont know) Anyway what i want to ‘understand’ is what they did OR said that was so funny?

    Please help me out.

  7. You have just become like Red Pepper that time of Mike ‘phone-in-the-shower’ Mukula (or ‘Shower Mike’ if you please) : you are giving African Woman free customers. They should pay you.

  8. re: your Bad Idea article of 30 Sept 2007… i’m almost sure that Dolce and Gabbana are Italian designers. I could be wrong, though.
    And that joke *was* bad:-P

  9. Anonymous, I know a joke is really bad when I am enjoying it more than anyone else.

    But I can’t help it. I am going to run that Dolce and Gabana thing into the ground. Next time I will make them Bakiga.

  10. Baz, lol we used to call it ‘flying solo’ 😉 haha, now that’ll be funny… D&G as Bakiga!!!!

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