Dear Eric



Subject: What’s lekker, brah!

Dear Eric, Chief Communications Officer of leading mobile telephone service company MTN Uganda.

Whaa’up Brah! It’s me, Ernest, your long-time subscriber, remember? We haven’t met, but we have had correspondence. Just saying hi.

How’ve you been? Busy? Busy sponsoring football frenzies? That result in traffic coagulations, and the great unwashed, teeming in their malodorous thousands, rendering the Kireka-Bweyogerere area practically inaccessible? Nice work.

I live on the border between Kireka and Bweyos, myself, and was confined to the old residential premises all day, staring over the fence at the stadium and wondering whether its sewage system can handle the job, and that is when I saw just how hard you have been working. The evidence: the MTN blimp floating above the stadium.

I should tell you that, though this sort of spectacle doubtless impresses South Africans, the natives of Kireka were a bit anxious about it. It was quite a task explaining to them that there is no risk of blimp suddenly falling out of the sky, plummeting downwards and crushing Obua’s nuts before he scored enough. I did my best, though.

Otherwise, Mwana, story ki?

The public, ingrates and uncouth ingrates all, are still clamoring for blood over this whole 50 percent extra thing. I’ve got your back though, don’t worry. Any time anyone makes a snide remark, I bring out my baseball bat. A friend brought it over from Wyoming, (a state in the US). I call it Swift Retribution Bat, and I use it to bash people’s heads in.

Because I don’t know what else to do with it. I mean, what do you want me to do—play baseball?

Anyway, I know you are busy, so let me let you get back to work, Brah. Say hi to that chick on the 10K airtime for me. She looks familiar. I think we went to school together or something.

Till next time.




  1. Oba which school?? Anyways Baz, i dont know about you but while you were in Rekikka busy sulking at traffic, like you couldn’t buy yourself that scooter i showed you, some of us were in Namboole chilling with Ezra (i wish) holding his Umbrella, ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh…..

  2. ella ella ella a.. a… a… damn that song. its going to be playing inside my head for a whole day now.

    kati, Bathz, is this the best way of saying you couldnt raise the kala to watch the match?

  3. Elvina….a blogger! Y-frigin-ay!!! Rev..mpola mpola.

    Elvina, u know me, pretty bitch, CCE, friend of yo roommates Pam and Judy. That’s all I’m giving away. Anyhow, glad to see yo blog. Lemme go there.

    Sorry, Baz, what were u saying? Eric Van Veen’s nuts got squashed by a Blimp? U know me and my ADD. When I saw Elvina’s I lost it.

  4. Dear Baz,
    I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
    You said you stay in Kirekka, how ready are you for CHOGM?
    Look, I’m really flattered you would continue to buy our credit
    and here’s an autograph for your,
    I wrote it on a used card.
    You got some issues Baz, I think you need some counseling
    to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get “network errors”
    And what’s this shit about knowing the chic on the card?
    That type of shit’ll make me not want us to meet each other
    I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
    before you hurt yourself, I think that you’ll be doin just fine
    if you relax a little, I’m glad I inspire you but Baz
    why are subscribers so mad? Try to understand, that we do want your grands
    I just don’t want you to do some crazy shit
    I seen this one shit on the blogs a couple weeks ago that made me sick
    Come to think about, his name was.. it was you

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