Subject: What’s lekker, brah!

Dear Eric, Chief Communications Officer of leading mobile telephone service company MTN Uganda.

Whaa’up Brah! It’s me, Ernest, your long-time subscriber, remember? We haven’t met, but we have had correspondence. Just saying hi.

How’ve you been? Busy? Busy sponsoring football frenzies? That result in traffic coagulations, and the great unwashed, teeming in their malodorous thousands, rendering the Kireka-Bweyogerere area practically inaccessible? Nice work.

I live on the border between Kireka and Bweyos, myself, and was confined to the old residential premises all day, staring over the fence at the stadium and wondering whether its sewage system can handle the job, and that is when I saw just how hard you have been working. The evidence: the MTN blimp floating above the stadium.

I should tell you that, though this sort of spectacle doubtless impresses South Africans, the natives of Kireka were a bit anxious about it. It was quite a task explaining to them that there is no risk of blimp suddenly falling out of the sky, plummeting downwards and crushing Obua’s nuts before he scored enough. I did my best, though.

Otherwise, Mwana, story ki?

The public, ingrates and uncouth ingrates all, are still clamoring for blood over this whole 50 percent extra thing. I’ve got your back though, don’t worry. Any time anyone makes a snide remark, I bring out my baseball bat. A friend brought it over from Wyoming, (a state in the US). I call it Swift Retribution Bat, and I use it to bash people’s heads in.

Because I don’t know what else to do with it. I mean, what do you want me to do—play baseball?

Anyway, I know you are busy, so let me let you get back to work, Brah. Say hi to that chick on the 10K airtime for me. She looks familiar. I think we went to school together or something.

Till next time.