I am the world-famous Reginald VelJohnson, known and loved around the globe for my unforgettable television apprearances that have touched your hearts, moved your souls, and, because I am such a sexy Sexy SEXAY BODAY BEASTIE BOY, I have also aroused your loins. I am here because Baz, a.k.a. Mr Ernest Bazanye, the owner of this blog, has constipation but, rather than admit it, he is going to pretend that he has a very involving piece of kyeyo to finish this week and as such will not be able to come up with blog posts.

 That is why the Loser has asked me to host the blog, putting up archive material from two years ago.

 Well, I am a world-renown sex symbol, the father from Family Matters, after all. I am rich and have nothing better to do. Therefore, here you go. Some archive material from two years ago.

Dial M for Murder
I got the number and email address of a man who knows a man who knows how to deal with people who need dealing with. His name is Black Captain, and his business is situated in Kisenyi.

You can bet your sweet ass I am not going to any Kisenyi. Not when, thanks to the great strides in development made by this nation since the introduction of mobile telephony, I can just contract a hired killer from the comfort of my home.

EB: Hello, could I speak to Black Captain, please? I’m trying to get in touch with Black Captain.

Other End: This is Black Captain, Assassinations, treachery and bootleg CDs. How can I be of service?

EB: I wish to have a work colleague of mine “offed” in a discreet and non-odorous manner. He smells bad enough alive.

Black Captain: “Offed” is such an archaic and outdated term sir. It implies that we have something to hide…

EB: We do have something to hide. The remains.

Black Captain: Well, Modern Assassins and Contract Killers guild prefers the more new-millennium politically correct term.

EB: Sigh. And what would that be?

Black Captain: “Murdered”, sir.

EB: Kale nno.