The Uganda government has a Minister of Ethics and Integrity…

Are you through laughing? Can I continue now?

When he is not tilting at gay windmills, which is not often, he has been known to take a stab at banning EATV broadcasts, on the grounds that the women shown on that station are not ugly enough.

This is James  “Jimmy Blaze” Nsaba Buturo:


Okay, I have misrepresented the argument, and I know that there are reasons to be wary of having hoochie mamas dance on TV. No one wants their kids watching that stuff, the portrayal of women as mere objects of decoration, not to mention the most underpresented, yet most compelling reason of all—that puff daddy’s music is just so stupid.

dumbass dumbass

(Sorry, I’m old school. we don’t call him didddy)

But hearing Nsaba’s argument, you would think that the moment citizens set eyes on an EATV video, we will lose our minds and instantly leap upon each other in a frenzy of lust, no thought in our washed-out brains but “Must rape everybody! Must rape everybody!”

Fortunately or otherwise, the battle to ban the bootieshakers is not yet won, and they continue to wiggle, wriggle and jiggle all over our TV screens, corrupting our youth and um… I think the correct phrase is “destroying the moral fabric of our society.”

But besides soiling our moral garments these videos do much to foster – another buzzword coming up— regional integration. They break down stereotypes and, well, replace them with others.

You see, before EATV, Kampalans had a specific idea of what Kenyans were like. We thought you were loud, pushy and that all you were after was our women.

where dem broads 

Now that we have seen your music videos, we have a broader understanding of your national character and your nature. All this through the uniting force of music. Harambee, as you would probably say.

We have learnt more about who you are as people through your songs, which we enjoy tremendously. For example, that Amani girl of yours? What a voice! Jua Kali and Kleptomaniacs rock the house. Prezzo? Not so crazy about. Please do something about that guy.

We also like the young man who did that song about wanting to be a woman’s shoe because it would give him opportunities to stare up her skirts. We are willing to offer him a name since you haven’t managed to get him one.
The Ministry Of Ethics didn’t say anything about Dongaboy (that is one of the names on offer) and his perv song because the Ministry doesn’t understand that much Swahili and doesn’t bother with the lyrics of the songs it seeks to ban.

Actually, contrary to pop, not that many people speak Swa round these parts. Though you wouldn’t know it when you watch our music videos—and we hope you do. We put a lot of effort into them. Including recruiting people like me to translate the lyrics into Swahili and getting our best-rounded women to wiggle, wriggle and jiggle all over the screens.

Funny that—the videos with the highest density of hoochie mama-ism are not American rap videos, and they are certainly not Tanzanians (Tanzania is just mean-mugging rappers), not Kenyans either (beaming prettyboys with oversized sunglasses); the videos with the most hooch are those made right here.

No wonder Kenyans are after our women.