Welcome to the only blog in Uganda with its own intern.
That’s Robin Thicke. He’s my intern. Go get my coffee, Thicke. Be fast.
Now, to business. I am concerned about you all and the social enhancement of your lives in general, so, to make life better, I have compiled a brief list of Things To Do In Nandos.
(Thank you, Thicke. Now go and sit in the corner and be quiet.)
- Order a cheeseburger in a fake accent. No, not like Lady Bizzle, I mean a fake French accent. Make sure you luxuriate enthusiastically over the syllables like, “Sheeeeese buggerr” because that is how French people talk. I have heard them do it and can confirm this.
They also end every sentence with a question mark, like the Irish. They say, “You ‘ave sheeese bugger? Yes? I ‘ave wiz ze frahs? And also ze coke? Mebbe you do not mek it so slowlee, you make it quicklee?”
( Oh, it has to be a fake French accent. If you have a real French accent, try ordering with a Spanish one.)
2. Get your cellphone out and order your pizza delivered to your table. That would so totally rule.
3. People don’t give waitresses the respect they deserve. You could give them even less. Patronise them to the point that you actually explain the order to them as if they just landed from Bukomansimbi. “I’ll have the chee.. (look at the waitress and do your eyes as if you have just realised that she probably will not be able to handle such an exotic word) Take a lightly toasted bun, a slab of cheese, and a beef patty… are you getting this? You’re not writing—with onions and tomatoes.…”
Thicke, did I stutter when I said coffee? What is this crap? Go and bring coffee! Before I count to five I want to see coffee here. What about…
Update: If you noticed, perhaps, that the header image has changed, and are wondering why, it is in honour of the greatest human man alive, Detective Lieutenant John MacClaine. He just kicks all ass in the universe and I would like to commemorate that on this blog tonight. Thank you.