Kiboko Squad Conspiracy Theories

Government Hired Them:
Government got tired of dealing with rioters by openly firing guns at them, pummelling them with truncheons and smothering them with tear gas. They decided to try whipping them incognito. So they created a special secret whip unit.
This is the weakest theory, because if Kale Kayihura wants you whipped, he does not need to disguise himself. All he needs to do is wait. You are going to step out of line sooner or later.

Traders formed a vigilante squad:
Because they got tired of this bullshit — who wouldn’t?– and decided to take matters into their own hands. Besides, the police were not doing enough to protect their property. Police’s concern is dispersing the crowds, not keeping crowds away from the various telephones, DVDs and items of lingerie on display in the shops, and a lot of you actually try to make sure you are dispersed TOWARDS the lootable merchandise. You need canes.

Besigye Did It:
Besigye is the only reason Museveni still gets enough votes to win an election. If we remove Museveni we will have this fuming, conceited, belligerent, tantrum-throwing, blinded-by-fury, tunnel-visioned, rageaholic hard-on sitting in office with the actual legal powers to enforce his rage. Don’t get me wrong, I want change as much as the next guy, but unless Warren gets saved before the next elections, I am voting Sevo again.
Anyway, the theory is that he is the one who formed the squad. He told them to make sure WBS cameras catch them running around the Central Police so that he can have something new to complain about.

Former Lumumbists, Former students of Namilyango College:
Because that is the sort of thing they do. Just grab a special to town, pick up sticks and start lashing at people, lashing at people. The riot was a coincidence.



  1. besigye needs thorough kiboko!!

    Another conspiracy…
    Boda cyclists from the stages between kireka and makerere including kawempe decided to pay back the city of Kampala for labelling them as outcasts and cheating them of their hard ridden fares.Making them sit on the tips of their butts just coz the mama matayo didnt want to pay another boda cyclist to carry her 4 kids on the way to mass on easter sunday and then depriving him of 300shs saying she had to buy a hanky coz she was all sweaty, telling him to buy a bigger boda. Thus this ceremony will happen every 10 years

    oh by the way..this is too deep, u gotta watch this

    tell me wat u think if this doesnt blow ur mind!!

  2. Every once in a while, Baz, you certainly lose it – can’t exaclty tell what it is you are drinking – and you go and write this extremely funny stuff … I have just recovered from putting my ribs on the line. It was not funny, after a while. I realised I was putting my life in danger, laughing, not sucking air in, and I just couldn’t damn stop. I was shocked into stopping to think about … [goes off for a laughing break.]

    Thing is, you it right on the [toot!]in’ head with all four things. Maybe this is my kind of humour. Finding the funny in the real. The funny reality.

  3. Waapi…Lumumbists?? those guys are as dull as mud! Try former Northcort-ers! Those guys that were expelled from their halls them. They’ve been planning this a long while now. We shd call it a result of their hard planning!

  4. rage and politics tut tut…Machiavelli would have been disappointed.

    Meanwhile, i am moving to this thingy here. Blogger has just decided to misbehave.

  5. You have been through how many templates? I’m getting dizzy and except for one mistep they have been getting better and better!

    Now these theories, why is no one counting Mehta. I know, twisted, but this was a clever way to get land for free, not paying a dime for it bse the public would buy for him alternative land!

  6. Templates change because I am waiting for Heaven to tell me to stop.

    Steven, is like Kireka, isn’t it?

    meanwhile, Joshi, whatever you are smoking…

  7. Chief, this blog is changing colours faster than Michael ‘white sox’ Jackson.

    As for Besigye I still can’t get over his voice! I always thought the man would have a baritone until I heard his falsetto.

    Oh, and if you love God, your neighbour and that woman who sells essentials like fish and assorted vegetables, please, kindly and beseechfully disable that snap preview abomination. Why wordpress think i need to see things before i click them is beyond understanding.

  8. This thing here is good, I need to start writing here as well. However, its more professional? Will need to practise on blogger before I come here. As usual good stuffs. By the way, dont neglect your blog!o

  9. Heehee.
    But there was a certain Donald Semambo who loved to dish it out in kiboko form, anyone remember him?

    @M, thanks, falsetto’s the word.

  10. @ M, I don’t know why you are seeing the snap thing. I swear I switched it off.

    @ Aseu, I am not going back. Blogger and I are through. It’s over between us.

    @ Minty, Semambo needs to attack, doesn’t he?

    @ Ish, because I am always quoting at you, “You can’t conceive nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God.” Graham Greene.

    And, not that it is means anything, but I am listening to Whitney singing “Just The Lonely Talking”. This girl used to rock!

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