I wrote a Movie Review. Here it goes

This is how you know Scarlett Johannsen is fine. Her name is Scarlett Johannsen, but smitten fanboys still manage to google her.

The Internet is not a place that is full to the brim of highly literate people. Most of the internet, in fact, has a huge problem spelling even short words like “the” correctly. It always says “teh”.
And googling Scarlett Johansson requires incredible amounts of spelling. First of all you have to remember that there are two t’s in Scarlett, then you have to remember that it is Scarlett Johansson, and not Johanssen, and then that it has two s’ and one n. For a person who has trouble saying, “I can see you” and commonly just lapses in despair to “I cn c u”, this is gargantuan.

But when you finally manage to succeed in googling Scarlett Johansson you will discover one thing. It’s worth the effort.

The first Iron Man movie was a simple straightforward success in that it did exactly what it was supposed to do and did it efficiently: It entertained. We had a rougish, quippy leading man deliver his lines in amusing ways, we had a gravel-voiced villain with a sinister beard to make him even more dastardly, and, of course, the star of our show, a metal suit that makes dudes fly and shoot missiles from their palms.

A satisfying movie. A Javas Pepper Steak with Mashed Potatoes meal of a movie. A fine film.

So if you are going to make a sequel to that, what do you do? What do you add? How on do you make it better?

By adding Scarlett Johannson.

Now, Iron Man 2 isn’t one of those movies that can be praised at length. Not like Blood Diamond. You don’t need more than two adjectives to review Iron Man 2. “Fucking” and “Awesome” would do just fine. Add Scarlett Johannson and it’s a wrap.

But if you insist, I could go on.

Billionaire borderline drunk Tony Starks is a former weapons industrialist who made a full-body suit of armour that is cool and weaponised and computerized. And yes, it does have built in toilet facilities. Their use is demonstrated in Iron Man 2.

After he becomes a superstar celeb the US government says they want the technology. Tony is an asshole about this: he says no. Then Scarlett Johannson comes into the movie and is hot. Then Mickey Rourke has a Russian accent while he makes his own Iron Man suit. Russian accents are badass. Next time I go to a restaurant, I am ordering in a Russian accent. Then Don Cheadle also gets a suit. Then there are two fight scenes: One featuring Scarlett Johannson whupping all the ass that even thinks of crossing her line of sight, and another featuring Cheadle and Stark doing the same.

In between and around these two scenes, various awesome coolnesses occur and transpire for your entertainment. And Scarlett Johannsson as well.

That is my review of Iron Man 2. Later.

20 thoughts on “I wrote a Movie Review. Here it goes

  1. Do not forget, whilst conversing about Scarlett Johannson, that her last name is pronounced with the soft ‘j’, as in the names Jan and Johannes, and not in the hard ‘j’ as in jocular, John or jurisdiction! Just because Entertainment Tonight is presented by two morons who have no understanding of pronunciation does not mean that the rest of us need to sink so low.

  2. I’m sorry. I haven’t read anything. I just ogled.

    She’s a beaut alright. And she kicks ass shamelessly. I like how they kept doing close-ups of her face.

    And then google image search abuses our intelligence by putting “related searches: megan fox.”

    If I may, Mr Bazanye sir, nttttttsssssss!

  3. I’m pleased I located this web page, I couldnt get any knowledge on this subject before. I also manage a website and if you want to ever interested in doing some guest writing for me if possible feel free to let me know, im always look for people to check out my web site. Please stop by and leave a comment sometime!
    13:47

  4. @Baz LOVE the review
    @Jeremiah….i can feel yo ntsssssssssssss! all the way here…clearly u dont feel Ms.Fox….lolest – u TOTALLY made my evening with that “closing”…hahaha

  5. Jeremy,i think they meant,’related searches meagan good’. Eh, lemme watch the movie already, u’ve fed it to us at EVRY opportunity: twitter,facebook, soon ul start mass texting us..dang, js gave u an idea

  6. So basically, this is a review on Scarlett J(y)ohansson.
    Lol @ Jeremiah

    Megan Fox is too overrated. With her disabled thumbs.

  7. i doubt if this is a movie review like ernst puts it, but the dude has a crush on that scarlett john chic9 whatever the spelling- i dont care)
    this is a scarlet j review which just features a few words about the movie Iron man.
    at the end of it all, its a review but about a movie-no, its about a chic in the movie… correct me if am wrong

  8. Okay, who is trying to be a wise guy here?!!!!
    Anyone sane enough can tell that its a movie with a really cool robotic suit with SJ in it thus being called Iron Man 2 or its just the really cool SJ in a movie called Iron Man 2, and there is a robotic suit in there!!!!

  9. Speaking of mispelling names u cud have used Gyllenhaal. but of course Jake has no boobs and Maggie is, well, just Maggie. She has have that blonde sexuality to make your point.

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