That I hear sevenfifty. Sevenfifty what. That is not a question.

You think I am talking about mobile phones again, don’t you? That’s why you are screwing your face up like that. I mean, it’s sexy in a way, granted, but how do you do that? I mean, it’s like your lower lip has gone inside out. I mean, it’s kind of sexy in a way, but I worry when you do that. You’ll hurt yourself.

That’s why I must insist that you understand that this is not about mobile phone. This is about life. Life, okay? I’m philosophising here.

In previous discussions on this topic, I let on that I had a small infatuation with a new model of cellphone which I leeringly called Zuena. However, because that particular model was so expensive I transferred my lust towards a cheaper model, the Baby Zu, which I also gushed obscenely about.

Well, today, on my way from the barber shop (Why thank you. I do look excellent and fly, now that you mention it.) I passed by a shop that had Nokias on display. And there discovered that Baby Zu was available in Uganda at last.

At how much?  Let’s back up first.

Zuena is retailing at 800,000 hard-earned Uganda shillings. Baby Zu, according to my friend, The Internet, should cost half that, being essentially a stripped down poor man’s edition of the original. But at this shop the woman told me she was going to sell the Baby Zu at me for 750k.

Just 50k less for a phone that is less than half as awesome as the 800k one.

I spat and directed her to kiss all of my ass and stomped out of there in a violent huff, slamming the fucking door and kicking a nearby kitten in the teeth. What an outrage. But the price isn’t the worst thing.

You see a phone on the internet isn’t the same thing as the phone in real life. The Baby Zu has hot pictures on the web, but that is like those Sara no. I can’t go there.

In real life it is not that impressive. In real life it is a measly, pathetic, scrawny, half-hearted attempt at a phone. It is a sad excuse. It’s ridiculous. It’s like Zuena’s runty cousin.

No, it’s like a late-term abortion of a Zuena, that’s how pathetic it looks in real life.

Mbu 750k. Ntsss.

So, the moral of the story (this is supposed to be a parable about life, not a rant about phones, after all) is… well, really what sort of philosophy teacher gives you the answers?

Meanwhile, it gives me all sorts of pleasure to introduce Caramel. It’s beautiful.