You coulda been anywhere in the world, but you’re here with me

And now for something completely different. We have with us a special guest. A very special guest. The most special of guests in the history of visiting. The Queen of Blogistan herself. Ladies and Gentlemen, your favourite blogger and mine… Take it away Sherry Darling!

DJ, gimme beats

My house is flooded. So I will be lodging here for today. Don’t worry, I have permission from the landlord and landlady.

Thank you BS and Carsozy who tagged me. And oh, Carsozy, your blog won’t take my comments. Your spam bank must be full of my comments. Check. Was mainly saying, No. 6 (on your list) Rocks.

First off I wanna thank the organizers for awarding the Honest Scrap gong to me. All the nominees are great enough and everyone is a winner (But I went home with the gong). I’m so pleased with myself. I wanna thank my God with whom all has been possible. My parents, family and friends, thank you very much for being there for me and finally but not least importantly, I wanna thank blogistan. Without u, I would not have made it to the shortlist of the Honest Scrap awards.

(Carsozy, I hope I have bragged enough. I can go all day on demand.)

So, for the honesty, here we go.

  • I’m having trouble contending with my age. In June I strike another year off my numbered days but I feel very inadequate. So much I haven’t done that I had planned for this milestone. Tsk. I would gladly rewind age.
  • I used to think that beer, lager, ale, cider (apparently, they are different) tasted like fish urine until I punched a beer with lemonade. The best punch EYVAH!!!! Try it, u will thank me. ¼ lemonade to ¾ beer etc. But please don’t punch Guinness with coke. Ruins the whole thing.
  • I just realized how possessive I was over my parents. Imagine. On my pa’s birthday I called him up at 2.30pm my time (5.30pm) his time to wish him an happy one, but, there was some noise in the background. I asked where he was and he said NANDOS!!! Instantly, I went into panic mode. “What is my father, a man in the middle of his 5th decade doing at Nandos? That place is for holiday makers. Is my father looking for teens?”

Then he handed the phone to my mum. Phew. What they do together don’t worry me. Even if they were both hunting, as long as they are doing it together…

  • I have been called a lesbinimps before and to date some people still think I was one in my past life. Now I have nothing against lesbinimps but I have never been one. Just because I shared a bed with my kukuyu in boarding school and are/were very close don’t mean we were swapping saliva (Damn u Red Pepper). No. We only kissed lightly on the lips and had a few pecks on the cheeks, eyes and foreheads. Nothing more. That is how we greet in our circles. A hug and a light kiss. None of that tongue action or throat games. We are just too close for comfort. Mr Mukiibi should deal with it. So, to answer u, Apr9, Emi, Normzo and sleek…no. Nothing went down. And lol to Sleek about that keys thing. I heard twas forks that did the trick.
  • I own only 2 skirts in my life. See, I am blessed with a pair of toothpicks that can’t pull off the whole skirt look. And besides the stick thin size, they are as if crooked. Like kibaliga. So heRRi no!

If u ignore the airport hangar I call a forehead u will be able to focus on the stilts. I wonder how I stand on those “legs”.

cheriskirt2

Brenda (BS) my legs and Mrs Patel’s butt have put on weight.

The last time I wore a skirt was some time last summer when I was dared to wear one by my friend Jimmy. I got his wager. This time I woke up in the morning to find nothing for me to wear and I hate ironing when I’m in a rush. So I got the next best thing. A skirt I bought impulsively on ebay. It’d been hanging neat for like a year. I had nothing to do so I threw it on.

My colleagues made fun of me the whole day. Mbu I looked like man in drag. I honestly found it hard to trek around the office with my skirt. But I liked the feel of wind beating on my “legs” so I mos def will be buying skirts.

  • I am a coward. If that is an appropriate term. Those that know me know that I am a gangster and Mafia rolled into one. But that is just a front I have. Deep down I am a wimp. I can’t look at any distressing pictures of read a sad or sorrowful story without breaking down. Sometime back I read a story about a teenage boy who hanged himself in his mother’s house because he was fed up of being bullied for having a disability and ginger coloured (Darker blonde) hair. I broke down on the train and a complete stranger offered me a whole pack of tissues. I was embarrassed even. So from that day, I just turn the page.

And with that, ladies and gen’lemen, I leave u in peace. Now I will be a good guest and not spoil this chance that I have over at Mr Bazanye’s. I have not finished the “soft drinks” offered.

But before I leave, this one is for Erique, wherever he is. Even chicks may find this “useful.”

chan1

I’m sorry, but that is all I can come up with now. This blogcks is clearly not kidding.

I tag those who haven’t been tagged yet: Landlord Baz, Three, King, B2B, Mudamuli, Esq and Cute face (Di).

Around of a plause ladies and gentlemen. I will categorise this as “How to beat the blogcks.”

19 thoughts on “You coulda been anywhere in the world, but you’re here with me

  1. This post is choke full of innuendo waiting to be pointed out, but I can’t bring myself to list the…screw it, here goes

    SPAM BANK, SCRAP GONG, THE GONG, Feel Inadequate…oh wait, it wasn’t Baz that wrote that…er, Cheri kissed a girl lightly on the lips…I’m out like a light

  2. the guy who sat on that stool was so heavy,he left an imprint…and gng thru the awards, my stats show that every gal on blogville has kissed a gal..tenderly, gingerly,lightly, and all those things…
    “Even if they were both hunting, as long as they are doing it together…”..crazy.

  3. You should have done this business on yo loos and not Baz’s..

    Age is just a number…and yes you might need to “mug” those legs

    lol..I wonder…whose stool??

  4. You shared a bed and kissed a gal…damn U, why couldnt u just share that saliva….

    and u have ‘bu tiny’ legs…hahaha, mine to are tiny and i do put on shorts,and no one ever dares to laugh at me.

  5. you know i wasn’t buying into that stuff of “i forgot my password” but this posting at Ernest’s is making me start to believe that story!

  6. sigh. for all the innuendo in this post i leave to aivan, which mantle he already has thrown away. what to do? now talk to the wordpress and tell them to give you another password quick smart. we cannot be tracking mud all over Baz’s gorgeous house now, can we?

  7. Ha ha ha.

    Kale I am slow. Do you know I thought this was Baz writing. It’s the pic that opened my eyes. Kyoka Cheri!

    Thanks for tagging me naye I’ve already been tagged.

  8. u have two skirts?wow…first time to my in-laws, cos it was on short notice i wore jeans. tight jeans. second time i had to borrow.i have to let my workmates touch to convince them i dont have wooden legs!

    i feel u about the whole ninja facade …..

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