Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me

Here is a totally unexpected turn of events, a surprise move, a blindsiding, mind-boggling, totally discombobulating revelation: Warren is not a meathead ogre blinded by the very bloodlust that drives him! Gasp!

Apparently, evidence has been unearthed suggesting that dude is, a man of principle and honour with the elements so mix’d in him that Nature might stand up and say to all the world ‘This was a man!’

Warren Besigye is Brutus!

I have been convinced of this. I am in negotiations and have conceded this far. The way things are going, I will probably believe by the end that he can make an adequate president, because every question I raise is swatted out of the sky by these people.

One thing remains though: He still comes across as a bellowing Minotaur that will not be assuaged until you give it another baby to eat. Besigye needs an image consultant.

As you expected, I have some suggestions.

Go to Church!

Specifically a kilokole church. Not the ones of Jesus, one of the glossier, glammer ones; the Church of Sean John.

We want him to occasionally leap onto the stage from the audience (Sean John churches don’t have congregations) and take over from the choir master. We want him to go all Kirk Franklin on ‘em, hissing “Yes!” and “Yes, Lord!” interjections throughout the song. If he is wearing an evidently expensive suit in TD Jakes colours (bright blue, red or yellow) and pronounces it as “Laaaawrd!” he earns extra points.

Play that funky Music!

We should get him VIP tickets list for Africana album launches. Seat him in the front row where he can get caught by Barbara Yata’s cameras. Getting a little ka-lapdance from Nvannungi? Good. Buying the CD for multiple millions at the launch? Good. Going the extra mile and getting onto the stage to perform that version of the funky chicken that Ugandans here call “calypso”. Brilliant.

Warren Kizza Besigye should appear in a couple of videos too. Not dancing, just chilling on the sofa being doted on by video hoochiemamas. This could develop into him getting name-checked in Ragga songs the way those lingala guys kept shouting Sematimba’s name.

Outside the booth, why should he not mediate between the warring factions next time Chameleone and Fire Fire Base have a falling out?

Other publicity

I say book him on Straka, FatBoy and get dude an African Woman photoshoot. And there, bang! Besigye becomes a viable president.

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15 thoughts on “Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me

  1. Kyokka Mr. Bazanye, you tickle the ribs. Besigye doing ‘calypso’? *chuckle* that would surely dislodge the chip on his shoulder. Maybe 27th Comrade can suggest some mind-altering something for the combatant.

  2. If M7 can appear on ‘Desert Island Disc’, ‘Ekimeeza’, that morning show (is it the Big Breakfast?) with Oulanya Columbus and the rest on Capital Radio, then surely Warren cannot fail to dance calypso.

  3. I had to wipe spittle of I and I keyboard.
    Bloody idiot, you don’t deserve to live.
    Tie this bugger and shoot it up.
    My fuckin’ ribs aren’t fuckin’ toys – I need them to fuckin’ breathe! X-(

  4. ERNEST BAZANYE SEMPEBWA I LOVE YOU MAN!!!I’ve just had the worst day and this my friend, made my day fun..brightest moment of the day..u bum wipe..im so friggin happy man!! Hold it to me in future bro, mulokony and a rolex…OKIMANYI!

  5. Get him on late date as well,so we can feel his romantic side as well coz his looks sometimes give me the creeps.

    Talking about hoochiemama’s reminds me of an American cousin who was on a visit sometime last year.Some guys at Garden city were amazed at her ‘American size’ and said oh,kyi mama. and man! you could have thought garden city was coming down.The chic gave them fs,Ss,short of wiping them with her bag and pounding their heads with her heels. hoochiemama?did u call mi an hoochimama?excuse me? hey M***f***…….i’m gona wope ur a**** …..and the list was endless.
    You shld av seen me taking cover in shock and amazement

  6. definately African Woman.especially if they make him wear a pink shirt the way they did Seeya.away from the blue.then the airbrushed pics might make him kinda cute.atleast he might appear so.then maybe a smile or maybe not cos some people’s smile don’t do them much good.
    then he should give a soft gaze so that his eyes don’t look like they are dying to fall out.
    then they ask humane questions.not the expected,”what would you do if you met M7 in the dark without his security entourage?”
    no. humane questions like.”what kinda women do you like? size 6 or 9?the inside or the outside?…cosy night in or crazy night out with boys?”
    i swear i mite even vite for him when i grow up and am of voting age!

  7. BAZ…You must be having some ka admiration for Warren..
    @27h Comrade….my ribs are f***ing aching too. Damn this son of a blogger.
    am just imagining that pose in a music video, hands akimbo, shades n’all.

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